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#1
/PurpleWhalez/

it's his birthday, and I was unaware until just now

I got you this thread whalez, hope u liek <3
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#3
Happy birthday brother, you're one of the better ones. I got you a master chef for your party.

#6
Rex Ryan had a long summer. Between spewing headlines daily and hitting his mid-life crisis, Rex need a good regular season fucking. "Let's get a win for our city out there boys." Rex said as the Jets filtered into the locker room preparing for the season opener. After meeting with the coaches and players, Rex excused himself. He walked toward the Cowboys locker room. Looking out toward the parking lot he saw the flag waving at half-mast. Inside his XXXXXXL pants, he too was at half-past, but not for long. "Does that make this mourning wood?" he chuckled to himself. Down the long hallway leading to the Dallas lockers, Rex saw him. The pretty boy of the NFL, and the most used ass. Tony Romo. Rex slinked behind a column. It did little to hide the walking mound that he was. He slid on the beard from the Jets Santa outfit and a Dallas sweater. "Psst. Hey Tony" he whispered. "Mr. Ryan!?" Tony exclaimed. "Shouldn't you be working with the defense?" Rex's ruse seemed to be working.


Rex extended his hand. "Oh Tony" he said in a falsetto voice "it's time you and me talk about filling some holes in your... game." "What?" Tony replied unsure of his coaches intentions. "Don't play coy with me." Rex said winking. Tony took his hand.


Rex led him to a side room used by the groundskeepers. Rex grabbed him into a rough kiss. "Coach your beard makes my nose itchy." Tony said sneezing. "Well then my pubic hairs going to fuck you up something fierce." Rex said removing his pants. Tony now knew what was going on. "Here, lay down on this fertilizer." Rex said all sexy like. Tony lowered himself onto the shitbag, then wrapped his mouth around the anthropomorphic shitbag's dick


Rex's fat loins molded around Tony's face like some Cheeto flavored, sweaty, silly putty. "Tony, you may not know how to quarterback, but boy can you suck." Rex moaned. "Fwumbunga-jessicasimpson-nwumuga" Tony mumbled around Rex's meat pole. Suddenly the door opened behind them. It was Miles Austin. "What's going on in here." he said seductively.


Rex rearranged his faux beard. "We're just prepping for the game Miles." Rex said in his abnormally high pitched voice. Miles noticed his QB among the mounds of fat. "Well if Tony's involved, you got your tight end, so you need a wide receiver." he said burying his face into Tony's crotch. Tony's deep sucking was too much. Rex shot his baby glue down his throat. "Oh my god coach, it tastes like a convenience store floor." Tony gasped after swallowing it. "You are what you eat." Rex said laughing. "Now then. Let's run some laps." Tony looked on quizzically. "Coach?" Rex continued on. "A few miles should do." He said eying that sweet ebony ass. "Let's dance."

Rex laid down. "Alright fellas, in honor of this solemn occasion, we should try a move I invented. The World Laid Center." Tony and Miles looked at each other. "What's that?" they said together. "Well me and Tony will lay on our backs. Or dicks are the Twin Towers. You're the plane. You hover over, crouching, and "crash" into our dicks." Rex finished. Tony and Miles smiled broadly. They got into position.'


Tony and Rex got their towers erect and waited on Miles' piloting skills. Miles lowered himself onto their dicks in turn. After a few passes Tony began to squirm. "I think I'm getting ready to blow Miles." Tony gasped. He shot his tiny load into Miles. "I was half expecting actual dust." Rex laughed. Miles now focused on the small mountain that was Rex Ryan. Rex grabbed him by the haunches and forced himself deep, turning Austin into a literal wide receiver. "Coach the frictions getting a bit much." Miles yelled over the noise of his anal air collision. "Just roll with it." Rex yelled. After a few more pumps Rex shot his load far into the Cowboys star. As he watched his cum leak out he chuckled. "I guess that proves it was an inside job."

Fin~
Last edited by genghisgandhi at Nov 16, 2011,
#7
Happy birthday sexy!
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#10
I can't even be arsed reading that
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#11
what the actual fuck is going on in my fucking thread
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#12
Quote by Trowzaa
I can't even be arsed reading that

you wouldn't get it anyway
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#13
Quote by genghisgandhi
Rex Ryan had a long summer. Between spewing headlines daily and hitting his mid-life crisis, Rex need a good regular season fucking. "Let's get a win for our city out there boys." Rex said as the Jets filtered into the locker room preparing for the season opener. After meeting with the coaches and players, Rex excused himself. He walked toward the Cowboys locker room. Looking out toward the parking lot he saw the flag waving at half-mast. Inside his XXXXXXL pants, he too was at half-past, but not for long. "Does that make this mourning wood?" he chuckled to himself. Down the long hallway leading to the Dallas lockers, Rex saw him. The pretty boy of the NFL, and the most used ass. Tony Romo. Rex slinked behind a column. It did little to hide the walking mound that he was. He slid on the beard from the Jets Santa outfit and a Dallas sweater. "Psst. Hey Tony" he whispered. "Mr. Ryan!?" Tony exclaimed. "Shouldn't you be working with the defense?" Rex's ruse seemed to be working.


Rex extended his hand. "Oh Tony" he said in a falsetto voice "it's time you and me talk about filling some holes in your... game." "What?" Tony replied unsure of his coaches intentions. "Don't play coy with me." Rex said winking. Tony took his hand.


Rex led him to a side room used by the groundskeepers. Rex grabbed him into a rough kiss. "Coach your beard makes my nose itchy." Tony said sneezing. "Well then my pubic hairs going to fuck you up something fierce." Rex said removing his pants. Tony now knew what was going on. "Here, lay down on this fertilizer." Rex said all sexy like. Tony lowered himself onto the shitbag, then wrapped his mouth around the anthropomorphic shitbag's dick


Rex's fat loins molded around Tony's face like some Cheeto flavored, sweaty, silly putty. "Tony, you may not know how to quarterback, but boy can you suck." Rex moaned. "Fwumbunga-jessicasimpson-nwumuga" Tony mumbled around Rex's meat pole. Suddenly the door opened behind them. It was Miles Austin. "What's going on in here." he said seductively.


Rex rearranged his faux beard. "We're just prepping for the game Miles." Rex said in his abnormally high pitched voice. Miles noticed his QB among the mounds of fat. "Well if Tony's involved, you got your tight end, so you need a wide receiver." he said burying his face into Tony's crotch. Tony's deep sucking was too much. Rex shot his baby glue down his throat. "Oh my god coach, it tastes like a convenience store floor." Tony gasped after swallowing it. "You are what you eat." Rex said laughing. "Now then. Let's run some laps." Tony looked on quizzically. "Coach?" Rex continued on. "A few miles should do." He said eying that sweet ebony ass. "Let's dance."

Rex laid down. "Alright fellas, in honor of this solemn occasion, we should try a move I invented. The World Laid Center." Tony and Miles looked at each other. "What's that?" they said together. "Well me and Tony will lay on our backs. Or dicks are the Twin Towers. You're the plane. You hover over, crouching, and "crash" into our dicks." Rex finished. Tony and Miles smiled broadly. They got into position.'


Tony and Rex got their towers erect and waited on Miles' piloting skills. Miles lowered himself onto their dicks in turn. After a few passes Tony began to squirm. "I think I'm getting ready to blow Miles." Tony gasped. He shot his tiny load into Miles. "I was half expecting actual dust." Rex laughed. Miles now focused on the small mountain that was Rex Ryan. Rex grabbed him by the haunches and forced himself deep, turning Austin into a literal wide receiver. "Coach the frictions getting a bit much." Miles yelled over the noise of his anal air collision. "Just roll with it." Rex yelled. After a few more pumps Rex shot his load far into the Cowboys star. As he watched his cum leak out he chuckled. "I guess that proves it was an inside job."

Fin~


"You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore"
#16
Quote by WCPhils
you wouldn't get it anyway



Challenge accepted.

Did I just read an NFL love story?
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


Last edited by Trowzaa at Nov 16, 2011,
#18
Quote by Trowzaa

Challenge accepted.

Did I just read an NFL love story?


Love had nothing to do with it.
#19
Quote by goest
Love had nothing to do with it.


Did I just read an NFL porno?
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#21
Quote by Trowzaa
Did I just read an NFL porno?


Gay porno I should add, unless I misread something
#22
Quote by stealstrings
shouldn't genghisgandhi be reported?

If it's between PW and I, ban me. I wouldn't want UG to lose a master storyteller like him.
#24
I love you guys.

I really really do.
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#25
Quote by stealstrings
shouldn't genghisgandhi be reported?


NO.
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#26
Quote by Zeletros
Gay porno I should add, unless I misread something


Indeed.
This erection is mightily unexpected.

Quote by stealstrings
shouldn't genghisgandhi be reported?


What for?
Genuine question.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#28
Quote by stealstrings
shouldn't genghisgandhi be reported?



JK, but seriously, no.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#30
I'm so emotional right now you guys have no idea.

I didn't get so much as a "hey today's your birthday right?" and lo and behold, I come home, bummed as **** and see this thread.

You're all true bros.
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#31
EDIT: ^bro i was listening to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-7d14o42Nk right as i read that

bro hug time, manly tears welling up in hurr


Quote by stealstrings
just asking.


it's koo brah

it's just that genghis is one of the greatest ug'ers ever, and to even consider his banning is heresy
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
Last edited by Primus2112 at Nov 17, 2011,
#32
Quote by Primus2112
it's koo brah

it's just that genghis is one of the greatest ug'ers ever, and to even consider his banning is heresy


Well then I am ashamed to have even considered such a thing!
"You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore"
#33
Quote by /PurpleWhalez/
I'm so emotional right now you guys have no idea.

I didn't get so much as a "hey today's your birthday right?" and lo and behold, I come home, bummed as **** and see this thread.

You're all true bros.

I remember someone linking your NFL story in the middle of a big 9/11 thread, and laughing insanely hard after I read it.

Then when you said that my post last night was 'post of the year', I felt so proud, because /PurpleWhalez/, the genius behind that story, acknowledged one of my posts as being funny.

No U are the bro
#34


You guys wanna come over and play marioparty or something??
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#35
hell yeah mario party 8 son
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#36
Quote by /PurpleWhalez/
You guys wanna come over and play marioparty or something??

**** yeah!

Happy birthday man
RIP Gooze

cats
#37
Quote by /PurpleWhalez/


You guys wanna come over and play marioparty or something??

Hell yea! Mario Party is the shit.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#40
You know, I never had a sleepover when I was a kid on account of my father made his own counterfeit cheese in our basement and he told me I wasn't allowed to bring people over. I was thinking about having one. You guys can come. We can tell ghost stories and shit.
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