#1
These are the first lyrics I have written so all feedback is very much appreciated

Verse 1
Remember when we first met, the butterflies filled my stomach, well I can’t forget
You looked across at me and I quickly shied away, I look back now and realise the price I have to pay
You could have been mine; I missed the opportunity, why was I so foolish? Can you really not see me?
And now you’re gone, there’s not much left that I can do, I guess you really could say that I truly do love you

Chorus
I’m so sorry; I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
I tried to throw my heart out but it clearly didn’t reach you
So now I’m lonely, you’re my one and only
If only you could see how much I truly love you now

Verse 2
Within minutes you left me sitting there all by myself, depression fixed its roots in me, how can one prove oneself?
A teardrop running down my cheek as I think back to that night, I know that in my eyes it was true love at first sight
Maybe you don’t feel the same? Well, don’t you understand, to show you my affection I’d walk into no man’s land
And now you’re gone, there’s not much left that I can do, I guess you really could say that I truly do love you

Order:
Intro (guitar)
Verse 1 (guitar/vocals)
Chorus (guitar/vocals)
Bridge (guitar)
Verse 2 (guitar/vocals)
Chorus (guitar/vocals)
Solo (guitar)
Chorus (guitar/vocals)
#2
In case you were wondering...

The story behind the lyrics is from when I went to a party and saw this girl I liked. I get really nervous when I'm around beautiful women so I kept my head down and kept quiet. When I left, I was in limbo. Part of me was excited; I'd met (who I believed to be) the most beautiful girl in the world. The other part of me was suicidal; my lack of confidence had let me down again. The next day I told my friend about her and he convinced me to add her as a friend on Facebook. I did and when she accepted, I felt as though I was one step closer. Over the next few days, I built up the courage to start speaking to her on Facebook. I came home from college and immediately logged on. When I clicked on her profile, my heart stopped again. Sometime since I had last checked her profile, she had already found someone else (who, to make it even worse, looks like he's 12 years old). I felt my eyes welling up but decided that I had given up too many times. I'd tried previous times to write lyrics about girls but never succeeded, this time was easier though.
#3
Sorry dude that sounds like more of Hallmark Card then it does a song or chessy 80s power ballad.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#4
lol facebook, the new way to court women? Next time grow a pair bro. As for the lyrics they are very good, if you ever put them to music I would like to hear it.
Quote by JD Close
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#5
Quote by Blackwaterson89
Sorry dude that sounds like more of Hallmark Card then it does a song or chessy 80s power ballad.


Fair enough... Any chance you'd be able to give me a tip as to how to write a less 'cheesier' song?
#6
yeah, pretty cool that you poured your heart out in to a song! not exactly my style, unless you sing it like Mötley Crüe :p

but, writing from the heart is all that counts so keep it up!

in terms of feedback, i'm not that great, so i can't really help you out. but it'd help to hear it i suppose
Any chance of you recording it and posting it? id like to hear it!
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#7
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
yeah, pretty cool that you poured your heart out in to a song! not exactly my style, unless you sing it like Mötley Crüe :p

but, writing from the heart is all that counts so keep it up!

in terms of feedback, i'm not that great, so i can't really help you out. but it'd help to hear it i suppose
Any chance of you recording it and posting it? id like to hear it!


I've started recording the guitar parts and have made temporary basic bass riffs (downtuned E string) and temporary basic beats (tapping on the back of an electric-acoustic ). As for the vocals, I'm waiting for my new mic to arrive.

I'll post it as soon as possible
#8
Quote by cactusdog141

I'll post it as soon as possible



good, ill be checkin it out later
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
#9
not a bad first try at all, not my style but not bad at all. To improve, try writting free verse to get away from the verse chorus verse structure.


edit: as far as the ladys go, use the shyness to your advantage. Imbody the shy artistic guitar guy... I always did and it worked lol
Last edited by winterXsolstice at Nov 19, 2011,
#10
Quote by winterXsolstice
not a bad first try at all, not my style but not bad at all. To improve, try writting free verse to get away from the verse chorus verse structure.


Thanks for the feedback I'll take your suggestions into consideration.
#11
Quote by winterXsolstice
edit: as far as the ladys go, use the shyness to your advantage. Imbody the shy artistic guitar guy... I always did and it worked lol


Lol Thanks for the advice.
#12
Song lyrics are okay, good first shot. You only get better as you keep going!

I think I'm more disturbed by the story, though. Don't keep trying to get to know people you haven't met before through facebook...I think it's a little creepy, and I have a feeling most girls do, too. Also, "love at first sight" is absolute bullsh*t. It's what shallow people say to justify their pursuit of pretty/handsome people they don't really know. From the sound of the story, this girl could be the second coming of Hitler, but you wouldn't really know unless she hadn't posted a status about starting an American Auschwitz.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with trying to spark up a conversation and then asking someone out on a date who's not your best friend...buuuuuuuut just not on facebook. Also, just be honest with yourself. If she's pretty and you want to ask her out because she's pretty, don't go around telling people it was "love at first sight."
Last edited by jee5678 at Nov 19, 2011,
#13
Quote by jee5678
Song lyrics are okay, good first shot. You only get better as you keep going!

I think I'm more disturbed by the story, though. Don't keep trying to get to know people you haven't met before through facebook...I think it's a little creepy, and I have a feeling most girls do, too. Also, "love at first sight" is absolute bullsh*t. It's what shallow people say to justify their pursuit of pretty/handsome people they don't really know. From the sound of the story, this girl could be the second coming of Hitler, but you wouldn't really know unless she hadn't posted a status about starting an American Auschwitz.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with trying to spark up a conversation and then asking someone out on a date who's not your best friend...buuuuuuuut just not on facebook. Also, just be honest with yourself. If she's pretty and you want to ask her out because she's pretty, don't go around telling people it was "love at first sight."


Thanks I understand what you're saying and will try to improve my lyrics. We have met each other before in real life, just not had a full conversation...