#1
mixed feelings. i'll probably look back on it and like it a lot. but, here it is.

what was october but two hook ups mostly gone sour
awake for no reason nights and binges
blue eyed lies, thomas pynchon and elation
green eyed prospects i should have kept on the side on her back
arrogant out of towners or a turbulently close flaky girl from north of north end
who doesn’t know what a ****ing apology means
a snowstorm on halloween, something i’ve never hallowitnessed
holes in walls and broken hands
but you’ve already heard about those injuries
front row to sound tribe sector nine and sinking guilt cruises
malignant relationships sliced away
individually wrapped tumors
in neat, tidy and bloody “get well soon” boxes
the world can keep its sneaky deadly devils

november is less chaotic but heartbiting all the same
i’m trying to find minute minutes of joy
a mouthful of chocolate syrup, a game of scrabble
chatter with the french girl, planning for the future

what will california or north carolina be besides
a self uprooting, a relocation
where i am unchanged, human nature is unchanged
there’s just a nicer ocean down south
more pollution on the west coast

how depressing it is to realize
all of this malady, all of this ecstasy
all of this memory, all of this everything
will just be something else to write about.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#2
my first reactions: a bit unemotional, like you were viewing events unfold from a distance. maybe it's just the cynicism that I'm sensing and misconstruing.

will edit a longer crit in when I'm more awake.
art tumblr

If I'm not raw, I'm just a bit underdone.
#3
there is some real spark in here, some real good wit and a touch of attitude, which is good, because it doesn't quite overbear the piece. however i feel this is rather 50/50 - half is great and encourages me to keep tabs on whatever else you post in s&L. the other half is insufferable style over substance and a little weak. the ending is also a cop-out. but what i take away in distate for the piece in total, I also appreciate some cracking ideas. tabs will be kept.
#4
i'm in agreement. i like the first two parts much more than the rest of it, save maybe a word here or there. where, exactly, are you referring to?
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#6
the bolded words are the ones i would look into changing or scrapping


what was october but two hook ups mostly gone sour
awake for no reason nights and binges
blue eyed lies, thomas pynchon and elation
green eyed prospects i should have kept on the side on her back
arrogant out of towners or a turbulently close flaky girl from north of north end
who doesn’t know what a ****ing apology means
a snowstorm on halloween, something i’ve never hallowitnessed
holes in walls and broken hands
but you’ve already heard about those injuries
front row to sound tribe sector nine and sinking guilt cruises
malignant relationships sliced away
individually wrapped tumors
in neat, tidy and bloody “get well soon” boxes
the world can keep its sneaky deadly devils

november is less chaotic but heartbiting all the same
i’m trying to find minute minutes of joy
a mouthful of chocolate syrup, a game of scrabble
chatter with the french girl, planning for the future

what will california or north carolina be besides
a self uprooting, a relocation
where i am unchanged, human nature is unchanged,
there’s just a nicer ocean down south
more pollution on the west coast
#7
i'm with most here i think when they say that there were some real interesting parts here, lines with some real kick and verve to them. however, at the same time, it did feel like this was cranked out in fifteen minutes in a very stream-of-consciousness style. i can appreciate this style but i personally wish there was more of an aesthetic to it. the collection of images that you paint here all may be very personal in nature, but seem very distant to me, personally, as a reader. perhaps some cohesion to link one image to the next could assist in that relatability.

but like i said, there was some kick here. i've read your stuff before and i know that when you put together something nice, that kick is that much harder.
here, My Dear, here it is