#1
So i wrote this in about 2 minutes, it felt so natural. I think this is probably my favourite thing ive written. Any feedback would be great, and if you leave a link to something you want me to read over, im sure i can find the time to do that!


CUBS

Photographed all day
Enjoy it in a preposterous way
Flash flash flash
Go over and lie in your grass

Oh those Cubs in the zoo
They know not what they do
But you, but you

The fences all around
Barbed wire with a sensor that makes sound
Thats not right to be contained
I guess we adapt, live with it everyday
#2
Was good, I think if you repeated "but you" once more it would flow better but thats just how I read it, also instead of "that makes a sound" maybe "making harsh sounds" and get rid of the "with a" between "barbed wire" and "sensor"