#1
Meh.

____________

I love parking with my friends
in the desert next to a quiet
highway at 2 in the morning
blasting Sleepy Sun's 'Fever'
just loud enough so we can
hear the heaviest of the
clouds bounce and hit the
glass. I like to sit out
somewhere no one's been
and confuse stars with rain-
drops and smoke some grass
in a hotboxed car.

I love how it's very beige
in the mornings but at this
time of night the ground turns
black and the world disappears
and the only thing that's left
is ourselves and the sky.
Our drive home's a long way so
Pedro asks his horses to run extra
fast for him and no one's ever
scared because we know he's good
to those horses and they are to him.


I love walking through the plastic
white door with my friends on our
usual kitchen raid and we eat and hum the
songs that we love and the ones that
haunt us but we still enjoy them.
I get sad for a second as I realize that
Hoffman's baby is hard to find round
this town, but in a few days I'll find it
and I'll think of these hoodlums and
the desert when I do.
Last edited by ali.guitarkid7 at Nov 30, 2011,
#2
since i'm such a depressive **** when i think and write, i appreciate that this is extraordinarily positive. even with word choice, save for haunt and sad, obviously.

the second use of "friends" in the third stanza, though, hmm. i'm taking it as two separate thoughts, memories; perhaps "us" instead? it's more enveloping, a little more personal, and you keep the symmetry of using friends once a stanza.

maaan, now i'm all sentimental.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#3
Same here, this is one of a few pieces I wrote that have a positive vibe to them.

Yeah, i just noticed how many times I use "my friends" so I changed a bit of them.

Thanks man, I'm glad it had that effect on you. Just don't dwell in nostalgia too much