#1
This is the accumulation of a few thoughts i've been having recently. Maybe a bit melodramatic given my circumstances, but i thought i'd have a go at putting my feelings in lyrical form

Keep in mind, i wrote this just now, maybe 45 mins of work here, so far from perfect (i know it's pretty unstructured at this point). This is also one of my first attempts at proper lyrics. C4C of course
_________

Just sail on by
they always do
If you would only explore
beyond the sand

they advertise, promote
invite you over
talking big and towering over you
only leaving me in your wake

In this isle
i'm my own island
my colors stain the moon
you just have to venture deeper

scarce in natives, barely inhabited
not the usual attractions

don't compare, land on instinct
the rivers run deep, mountains climb high

resting in the shadows
of what should sit where i sit
but there'll be no change,
nothing unwanted or forced

my colors stain the moon
if only i could invite you in to show you
Last edited by halvies at Nov 29, 2011,
#2
I sort of grasp the abstract spin you're trying to give, but the song doesn't really flow. It's structured alright, but it's as if a new point is being made at every line. It feels kind of like a script, imho. Try easing up on the near cacophonying words, most severely in stanzas 4 & 6.

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