#1
i dont really do this very often but found this forum the other day so thought i would post this.


i knew what i wanted the moment he looked at me.
sad staring eyes fighting fatigue and gravity

i wanted to feel his tear on my cheek
clutch his heart make it beat
or let him do as he pleases
provide company
and bear witness to freedom.

its easy to dash empty bottles at concrete,
watch them smash gloriously at your feet and
scream for the lonely to see that the fragmented glass littering the street is a cheap metaphor for your broken dreams.

but **** that.

just lie here with me
shut up and sleep.
call me ziggy.
#2
Very nice. I almost didn't read this, and now I'm glad I did. I love the flow, except in the third stanza where I wanted that one line to for fuck's sake end so that I could follow it a little better. It's a nice effect, if you're going for breathlessness; otherwise, you might want to break it up.

Also, your punctuation is thoroughly useless, but whatever.

peace
Nothing to see here. Move along.