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#1
Last night after band practice, I stepped in a pile of dog poo on the way to my car. I got in my car and drove about a mile down the road before the stench hit me. So I pulled over on the side of the road and began searching my car for napkins, but to no avail. I tried using an old receipt to get it off my shoe, but my finger poked through and I got poo all over it.

My guitar player and his annoying pregnant bitch of a wife pulled up beside me and asked me what was wrong. I said "I stepped in dog shit". His wife immediately started snickering and cracking jokes, which pissed me off even more. And of course after seeing his wife laughing and insulting me, my guitar player started giggling as well.

I asked them if they had any napkins and his wife said "Yeah, but only two. And I feel like I might get sick, so I'm keeping them. HAR HAR HAR!". I was getting pretty angry at this point because she kept waving the napkins around in my face.

So when she waved them towards my face again, I snatched them with the hand that had the shit finger. When I did so, I realized my poo finger had touched her wrist. So as I pulled my hand back, I purposely drug that doggy doo doo finger all the way across her hand.

That's when all hell broke loose. My guitar player was like "Dude! She's pregnant!" and his wife started crying. So now they both are dickheads towards me and expect a written apology or something.

Sorry for the long story. Here's the short version:

My guitar player's wife is a bitch. I wiped dog shit on her hand. Now both her and my guitar player hate me.

Your thoughts?
#5
i... really don't know what to think about this.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#8
What a bad dog. Look what it caused! you filty animal... and you careless owner.

Tl;dr a dog ruined TS life.
This will start a RIOT! in me
#9
Kill her.

No seriously, what a bitch, talk to your guitar player man. Also, if he's going " dude, she's pregnant!" when all you've done is wiped dog poo on her hand, that is pretty stupid. Tbh, it must have been frustrating to see her cry when she was finally the one with dog poo on her...
#13
Shoulda pushed her down some steps too.

But seriously, good, also get a new guitar player. Everyone plays guitar these days so it shouldn't be hard to find one who isn't a dick.

edit: you own a whammy pedal too, you can easily make up without a second guitar
Last edited by Zoot Allures at Dec 8, 2011,
#14
They should apologise for their undesirable behaviour too.

Also, the fact that your guitarist shouted "she's pregnant!" gives me the impression that he would have been okay with it if she wasn't.
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#15
This is the best thread title ever.
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#16
Quote by theogonia777
i... really don't know what to think about this.

I do. It's funny as Hell
#17
The "Dude, she's pregnant!" did it for me. Stupid people will be stupid.

Carry some shit in a bag with you, and wipe it on your enemies. It could be your "thing."
they're coming to take me away
ha-haaa
#19
If you stepped in it and then drove, does that mean that you now have dog crap in your car? Like on the gas and brake pedals?
The content of this signature is pretty much irrelevant
#21
So much lulz hahahha. So what if she's pregnant? She's not gonna die. A written apology? F*** that noise just kick him outta the band. She's pregnant, he needs a real job to support a baby.
Last edited by Tigar at Dec 8, 2011,
#22
Quote by Tigar
So much lulz hahahha. So what if she's pregnant? She's gonna gonna die.


Wat
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#25
Quote by Banjocal
Carry some shit in a bag with you, and wipe it on your enemies. It could be your "thing."

Imagine the press your band would get!!! And then you can go on stage and shower the crowd in dog poo!!!! You guys would instantly become huge
#26
Should have kicked her gut and said.

"well now that she doesn't have a baby to worry about the shit smearing should be well alright then."
#27
Quote by edgeyyz
What does her being pregnant have to do with it?

Well obviously he would have been okay with it if she wasn't. Smearing dog poo all over a pregnant woman is likely to piss her off, and that stress could be potentially harmful for the child. If she wasn't pregnant then that problem wouldn't be there, and wiping dog poo on her would be prefectly acceptable.
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#30
Is it weird if this story gave me a chubby?
You said you'll never be younger than you are tonight.
Now I've never felt weaker in all of my life.
You said it's only a one off, only a line.
But, now it's a circle all of the time.
#31
I leave for 10 minutes and this happens. I love the Pit.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy
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#33
Quote by Darkness in Zero
Imagine the press your band would get!!! And then you can go on stage and shower the crowd in dog poo!!!! You guys would instantly become huge
You've never heard of GG Allin, have you?
they're coming to take me away
ha-haaa
#35
Its like watching the Animal Planet when a half retarded lion attacks a zebra with diarrhea.

TS and pregnant woman are both guilty of being terrible people. Pregnant woman for just being rude overall, and TS for letting the rudeness give him some false impression that he's allowed to be just as big of a dick as her.
I walk the line between fantasy and reality. One is more fun, the other is where the food is.
#36
I approve of TS's actions.

You may now need a new band/guitar player though.
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#37
It's common sense not to insult someone who has someone disgusting on their hands...
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#38


I think we should start the shitty 'shit' puns now.

Well, she's the guitarists wife, so she must be. She shit really hit the fan, hey?
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
Last edited by Mr.Pink101 at Dec 8, 2011,
#39
Quote by the bartender
Well obviously he would have been okay with it if she wasn't. Smearing dog poo all over a pregnant woman is likely to piss her off, and that stress could be potentially harmful for the child. If she wasn't pregnant then that problem wouldn't be there, and wiping dog poo on her would be prefectly acceptable.


Actually no, it's because the parasites in animal faeces can transfer to pregnant humans and cause miscarriage or stillbirth.


Way to go, TS, you dickhead. If her baby is dead now then it's probably your fault for smearing faecal parasites all over a pregnant woman.
#40
Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
Actually no, it's because the parasites in animal faeces can transfer to pregnant humans and cause miscarriage or stillbirth.



Toxoplasmosis. Google that shit (lolpun)
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.