#1
Excitement in Eastern Turkey today as workers rescue a boy from the rubble of an apartment building that was toppled by last weekend's earthquake.

Craig Windham,
tell me more
about the boy in Turkey.
Hands, goblets of rain water.
Pillow shoes.

Imagine one hundred and twenty
hours like that, fasting,
becoming a piece of earth.

You can take the rest of the day
for numbers climbing the Hellevator,
so long as you stop now,
as I stopped,
stretching,
slow breath,
swill of coffee,

seventeen seconds.

Rewind, stretch to minutes,
feel the quake down there,
before the twenty hands touching, the hoist,
black stretcher, blue neck brace
before closing your eyes in the light,
while you're a pile of rock rubble
shaking so hard you forget stillness.

Every prayer you know,
and some you don't,
the hardest thing passing your lips.
Bits of national anthem while still
waiting for the world to end,
for whatever comes next when
the ground punches holes through its skin
and takes what it takes.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
Last edited by less than that at Dec 12, 2011,
#2
oh my god.


you are awesome and i am so happy to see you post. this does a great job taking a current event and bringing it to new life.
it's beautiful.

how are you?
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#4
Thanks. I am well. Just graduated and thinking I should get back to writing, so here I am.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#7
Love the concept man

Some small things
"let yourself feel the quake down there" Doesn't seem to flow, how I am reading it at least.
same with "and some you don't"

Other than that this is just fantastic.
#8
seriously good. line breaks set the pace brilliantly. kept the images just long enough to feel them but not too long so that they overstay their welcome. always enjoy reading you man. please do post more. where are you stationed after graduation?
#9
This was nothing less than an awe-inspiring piece of writing bliss. It is everything I want to read at any moment in my life, particularly this one right now. You've taken a concept, a real, powerful emotion and situation, and then stretched it and warped it into a quantifiable and relatable piece that has the capacity to consume you wholly and actually put you there - and it does even more than that, too.

My English teacher always taught me to only write about what you know and something you've experienced or have a good understanding of. As much as I agree with that and try to uphold it in my writing, I feel she only suggested it as an unwritten and unbreakable rule because it was to be broken at the right time, only when you had something that was worthwhile - and this is most definitely a perfect example of that.

You have captured a sadness and an elation here that you may or may not have had first-hand experience of, and somehow made it entirely believable, and more importantly: relatable. Almost everything in this can be connected to something else in a life more ordinary and away from natural disasters and dramatic, painful situations; you've made this a part of us.

I think that was achieved partly by the whole concept of it beginning as a news report. That immediately puts us in the situation at hand. We watch the news because it puts us in the war zone, it puts in the disaster zone or in the crime scene. Your decision to use that 'technique' picks us up and places us in that situation; in the earthquake. And as a result, we feel connected deeply, on a personal level and on the same level as whenever we hear about a disaster.

You then used phrases like "becoming a piece of the earth" that suggests a sense of acceptance from the disaster-struck character, and points to a positive outcome. Not because dying is a positive thing, but because it helps us understand the whole concept of death and life, because acceptance is something we deal with all the time ourselves; it's something we have to accept!

Then there is the emphasis on "rewind", which offers the reader an outlook for the future, and as viewers we always want the person(s) to be okay and for them to succeed in the end. I mean, I know there is a lot in us that sometimes wills accidents and catastrophes to happen - particularly to those who we have a grudge against - but that's more of a primordial thing that is skin deep and that isn't a definition of us. It's more of a breakaway or a holiday from our lives of accepting death all the time.

Finally, you end it with a crescendo of natural acceptance, that mother-nature is a cruel mistress and we are her child, so to speak. Again, it's this feeling of grown up acknowledgment that is so enjoyable to read and to see in others, that the sooner we cooperate with our bodies' imperfections, the sooner we are to overcoming some of them, and ultimately enjoying your life as it happens and not worrying so much about the future. To me that is very important, and something you've brought together brilliantly.

Fantastic piece, mate!
#10
literally everything angry goldfish said, multiplied by like a thousand.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#11
Thanks, all, for the kind words. I'd forgotten how warm this place can feel.


AngryGoldfish,

Thanks for your time and effort in your response. It was a joy for me to read your thoughtful and thorough analysis. Looking forward to seeing you around these parts more.


Quote by #1 synth
where are you stationed after graduation?


I'm living in Schenectady, NY now. I'll be here for a while. I'm applying to doctoral programs which will mean I'll move within the next 6 months or stay here for the next several years.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#12
haha, i'm in a similar position, i know if i don't get into grad school in this rotation i'm not going to get a chance to go for a few years. what kind of programs you looking at? also, if you end up in the new york city area at any point in the next few months would be cool to grab a brewski
#13
I just finished my M.S. in counseling and am applying to counseling psychology programs. A few of them are in NYC so if I go on interviews there we could definitely grab a brew.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#16
Thanks. Good motivation to keep with it for a while, though writing still feels like putting in contacts for the first time, fighting the blink.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in