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#1
Ok so i broke up with her about 4 or 5 months ago but we still talk and still care deeply about her as a friend. Just found out today that she just started going out with a 24 year old (she turned 17 last month) and this guy really doesnt seem psychologically right,although im no psychologist. I'm really worried about her but dont know whether i should do anything. Am I over reacting? Should I not care? Should I say something? Generally the acceptable age is half the older persons age plus 7 (which would be 19 in this case) so its only 2 years out of the norm but im really flipping out about this. Any advice would be appreciated.

Got it wrong. He's 26.
Last edited by irishboy17 at Dec 10, 2011,
#2
Too little information to make even a guess.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
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#4
Quote by Banjocal
Too little information to make even a guess.


Explain information that I must add. Please
#6
no matter what you say, it'll be a little biased since you do care for her and are looking for flaws with him to compensate for the fact that you still do in fact care for her (yeah, i AM a psychology/neuroscience major...)

talk to her. see what she says about him. but dont really ask specific questions to issues you see. if she says something that seems off to you, ask about that. you cant show her faults, nor can you assume any. if any major issues arise, you might want to tell her to suggest to him that he sees a psychologist/therapist.
#7
His state of mind doesn't even come into it for me, a 17 year old with a 24 year old is just not cricket. Hell, here in Aus if they were to get it on, it would be statutory rape. Silly girl imo.
#8
Quote by irishboy17
Explain information that I must add. Please

You "reckon" he isn't mentally normal... evidence? Reasons that he might be dangerous? Actual evidence for anything other than his age? He isn't mega, mega old.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
#9
Quote by -Mantra-
Why doesn't that guy seem psychologically right to you?


While were going out, he literally followed us everywhere if he were to see us in public from a distance. And it honestly wasnt coincidence. Happened too many times to be coincidence,and he couldnt POSSIBLY need to be everywhere we were,everytime he saw us. And I dont mean dangerous, he's just a bit odd. He also doesnt wash much, and just seems...weird. Must say it's mainly the age difference that bothers me though.

I forgot to mention. I'm a stupid 16 year old. If i'm being more than the usual stupidity, please let me know.
#10
I assume you did the dumping seeing as you said you broke up with her. Either way though, I'm sorry to say it but it is just not your business. There's nothing worse than a meddling ex hanging around, don't let yourself be that meddling ex. If she's made a wrong choice, she must see that herself and you don't really have a say. You can tell her as a friend that you think the relationship is a bad idea but you can't really go any further then that.

That's just the way I see it, I've had the whole meddling ex issue before and it is really just very frustrating. Leave people to their problems, and concentrate on yours. If her being with someone is a problem, then you obviously still want to be with her!

I'm not judging or anything, I just think its best to be honest about these things.
#11
Quote by Mahabajaba
His state of mind doesn't even come into it for me, a 17 year old with a 24 year old is just not cricket. Hell, here in Aus if they were to get it on, it would be statutory rape. Silly girl imo.


We are in Aus. Looked into it. Not statutory rape unless he's in a position of authority over her ie teacher,work boss
#12
Quote by irishboy17
While were going out, he literally followed us everywhere if he were to see us in public from a distance. And it honestly wasnt coincidence. Happened too many times to be coincidence,and he couldnt POSSIBLY need to be everywhere we were,everytime he saw us. And I dont mean dangerous, he's just a bit odd. He also doesnt wash much, and just seems...weird. Must say it's mainly the age difference that bothers me though.

I forgot to mention. I'm a stupid 16 year old. If i'm being more than the usual stupidity, please let me know.

Everything in bold is a good reason to be mildly concerned or suspicious.

Everything underlined is not a good reason to be concerned (at least, not in this instance).
Quote by EndTheRapture51
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Last edited by Banjocal at Dec 10, 2011,
#13
Quote by irishboy17
We are in Aus. Looked into it. Not statutory rape unless he's in a position of authority over her ie teacher,work boss


Well I am mistaken then, I was always told that 16,17 are ok up to 21 years old and beyond 21 years it's 18+. Still, 17 and 24 is too big a gap at that age, too much of a life experience/maturity difference.
#14
Move on Noob.
Go get yourself a new girlfriend.
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#15
Quote by nacnudnai
I assume you did the dumping seeing as you said you broke up with her. Either way though, I'm sorry to say it but it is just not your business. There's nothing worse than a meddling ex hanging around, don't let yourself be that meddling ex. If she's made a wrong choice, she must see that herself and you don't really have a say. You can tell her as a friend that you think the relationship is a bad idea but you can't really go any further then that.

That's just the way I see it, I've had the whole meddling ex issue before and it is really just very frustrating. Leave people to their problems, and concentrate on yours. If her being with someone is a problem, then you obviously still want to be with her!

I'm not judging or anything, I just think its best to be honest about these things.


I get what you're saying. Originally, it was her being the meddling ex,,but it seems it's been swapped. I don't want to be with her again but i do still feel protective over her. Perhaps I'm not fully over her yet.
Also,it's not the fact she's with someone else. I was happy for her when i first found out. It wasnt until i found out his age that i started worrying.

But yea, I should probably just leave it
#16
its not considered rape because: they're dating, they are within 10 years of eachother, they would both want to.

as for the age difference, its not THAT bad dude. there are couples with 10+ years between them. my uncle is 11 years older than my aunt and they started dating when she was 19. honestly, age differences shouldn't bother you. and if they do, you're looking at relationships the wrong way still
#17
Chicks dig the older, badass, dark sith men. Sorry brotato. Go be a badass and maybe you'll get some.
Be bad. Get bitches.
#19
Quote by D. Vader
Chicks dig the older, badass, dark sith men. Sorry brotato. Go be a badass and maybe you'll get some.


Lol, just saying neither of us are particularly dark mysterious people. Just weirdoes really. Neither of us are badass at least,thats for sure.
#20
I've been in very similar situations, and it truly is no fun... unfortunately there's not a whole lot you can do :/ just kind of keep a very casual ear on whatever is going on, and make sure to convince her friends to do similar. There's been a LOT of times where I don't like an ex's new boyfriend/find something suspicious about them, and for the most part it's just out of lingering feelings and jealousy. However there has been the odd time where I've been totally right... but remained helpless to actually do anything about it
#21
Quote by irishboy17
I get what you're saying. Originally, it was her being the meddling ex,,but it seems it's been swapped. I don't want to be with her again but i do still feel protective over her. Perhaps I'm not fully over her yet.
Also,it's not the fact she's with someone else. I was happy for her when i first found out. It wasnt until i found out his age that i started worrying.

But yea, I should probably just leave it


DANGER DANGER

Don't be. She's your ex. It is the fact she's with someone else, because your 16 year old mind wants to create reasons why this guy is shitty.

...and he probably is, but the great thing is, you don't have to worry about her anymore. You have to worry about you, she'll get on in whatever way, but it's just not important to your well being.
#22
An ex-boyfriend jealous and suspicious of girl's new boyfriend.

This is new and exciting.
The lake was silent for some time. Finally it said:
"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."
#23
Quote by ShevanelFlip
It looks like you might have to COOL her in the near future.

I had a whole 3 minutes of speculation before i realised i still dont get what you mean.
#24
A 26 year old dating a girl who just turned 17 is messed up. I'm sure you're right and he is psychologically off.

That being said, as her ex there's not a lot you can do. Maybe see if you can raise your concerns to one of her friends or a parent. Outside of that stay away. Or you're only going to make her want to date him more.
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#25
Haha, just reading through the sexual consent laws for Australia (turns out it varies from state to state) and in Queensland it's 16 for standard sex and 18 for anal sex, trust Qld to be the only state to have a separate law for butt sex. Sorry for going off topic like that, but I just couldn't help myself on that one haha.
#26
Quote by severed-metal
DANGER DANGER

Don't be. She's your ex. It is the fact she's with someone else, because your 16 year old mind wants to create reasons why this guy is shitty.

...and he probably is, but the great thing is, you don't have to worry about her anymore. You have to worry about you, she'll get on in whatever way, but it's just not important to your well being.


Thanks for the advice. But I'll say again, it isn't because she's with someone else. She had another bf before this and it didnt affect me at all.

Unless...I'm wrong O.o
#27
Quote by Nameless742
Move on Noob.
Go get yourself a new girlfriend.

gtfo troll
go find yourself a gun and become an hero
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#29
Quote by conor-figgy
Where are you from? I want to stereotype you by county


Northern Ireland, but I live in Australia.
#30
Quote by irishboy17
Northern Ireland, but I live in Australia.

Oh

I'm going to actually try and give you advice, I'll edit this post when I'm done.

Hmm, well here's how I see it. All you have to do is talk to her. I don't think this is a case of you wanting her back as you said you're in a healthy friendship with her at the moment. Therefore, if you're so close there should be no problem in voicing your concerns.

Ah-ha, but here's the problem. You need to make sure that you don't end up just saying "Hey, I don't like your boyfriend". This will more tan likely end badly and she'll probably accuse you of being jealous. You need to do it in such a way that you're showing her that you have her best interests at heart.

It's a tricky situation but good luck!
Last edited by conor-figgy at Dec 10, 2011,
#31
Quote by conor-figgy
Oh

I'm going to actually try and give you advice, I'll edit this post when I'm done.


thankyou.
#32
Quote by conor-figgy
Oh

I'm going to actually try and give you advice, I'll edit this post when I'm done.

Hmm, well here's how I see it. All you have to do is talk to her. I don't think this is a case of you wanting her back as you said you're in a healthy friendship with her at the moment. Therefore, if you're so close there should be no problem in voicing your concerns.

Ah-ha, but here's the problem. You need to make sure that you don't end up just saying "Hey, I don't like your boyfriend". This will more tan likely end badly and she'll probably accuse you of being jealous. You need to do it in such a way that you're showing her that you have her best interests at heart.

It's a tricky situation but good luck!

Thanks i was thinking of / kind of already doing this anyway. I'm not stupid enough to say it so blatantly as "i don't like your boyfriend" but im not the greatest person at social encounters, so half the time I don't get what i'm saying is not what I mean. She hasn't told her dad because of the age difference, which makes me feel as if she also feels that what she isbdoing is a bit weird. Also her dad is big. And scary. So that could be a more likely reason
#33
Ha! Dude, call the cops. Names and all. That's statutory rape. It would definitely do it just to see his confused ass get arrested, BUT IT WAS CONSENTUAL!!! NOO!! hahaha lol
#34
Quote by metalblaster
Ha! Dude, call the cops. Names and all. That's statutory rape. It would definitely do it just to see his confused ass get arrested, BUT IT WAS CONSENTUAL!!! NOO!! hahaha lol


The age of consent in Australia is 16 or 17. (depending on location)
#35
Quote by Drakathan
gtfo troll
go find yourself a gun and become an hero


Besides the "noob" comment, that's probably the best course of action. Don't be an asshole, doucheface.
#36
In my experience that relationship will end really soon, but nothing terrible will happen, so let he learn. I remember when I was dating this thirteen year old (I was 20 at the time). We really loved each other, but for some reason his parents were against it. I still don't know why they broke us up.
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#37
So....your ex has started a NEW relationship with somebody else.

Forget all this crap about worrying how he's older and doesnt shower etc etc whatever. Nobody has FORCED her into the relationship. It's her decision.

Maybe it's time you sever all friendship ties with her because you obviously cant handle her making decisions on partners that you dont agree with.

Stop being the jealous ex and let her decide who she wants to be with and how she wants to live her life.
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#38
I'm 10 years older than my wife. some women just love the silver fox !
#39
Quote by blake1221
Besides the "noob" comment, that's probably the best course of action. Don't be an asshole, doucheface.


+1

I would most likely say "Just eff off", but I won't...

Just wait for it to unfold, you can probably still talk, but act like she has cooties or something
#40
It's stupid to be protective of an ex-girlfriend, specially one YOU dumped. Stop being jealous.


Quote by The_Sophist
In my experience that relationship will end really soon, but nothing terrible will happen, so let he learn. I remember when I was dating this thirteen year old (I was 20 at the time). We really loved each other, but for some reason his parents were against it. I still don't know why they broke us up.


let me think for a moment why would the parents of a 13 years old would not approve of her being in a relationship with 20 year old guy...

nope.. can't find anything wro...

wait..

MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE SHE WAS 13 AND YOU WERE 20!!
Last edited by VillainousLatin at Dec 10, 2011,
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