#1
(f)(h)ired. wot loss or capsized body
floats dutifully down responsibilities?
The borish twenty-two, bothering no one;
begins a long descent into remorse
as he hugs past employees as they cry
in his office.

Is it the blamed? The fat, slovenly workers unable
to take gestures, criticism, to accept that I speak
in managerial tongue and when I say you're not
fit for this company it means I made a mistake
in hiring you.

Shake hands, and I know that these kids, these adults,
they hate me, because I can see the disappointment;
"So, how do you think you're doing?"
"Better, a lot better."
"Well, why do you think that?"
"Well I'm calling for food faster we haven't run out and things are going more smooth."
"Honestly, ______, I haven't seen enough improvement from you in this last week."
"Well..."
"And to be blunt I don't think this is going to work out buddy. I don't think this company is for you."
"..."
"Do you understand why we're letting you go?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry, I really am but I needed more from you and it's just not a fit."
"I thought I was doing better."
"Take your experiences here and grow and find somewhere that fits you better. I'll be more than happy to give a positive and honest reference."
"Honest?"
"Your opportunities. Speed, sense of urgency. I'm sorry but this is where we have to part, okay man? I wish you the best in your future endeavors."
"Uh, okay..."
"Thanks."
"It was nice working with you."
"Yeah."

And I can't tell him the same
because that sends mixed messages
it wasn't nice working with him and he leaves,
and everyone watches him leave in the middle of his shift.

I file the paperwork and type his name for the last time,
see him for the last time; unknowing if this was his last straw
in these hard times,
where I'm the most responsible.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#2
I applaud you for being able to create a piece of writing out of what most would assume to be a job that kills creativity. The capability of deriving something meaningful from every experience is what makes an artist.

you never fail to impress me Matt.
art tumblr

If I'm not raw, I'm just a bit underdone.
#4
this was really well written.

however, i think the excessive colloquialism can be removed in the dialogue bit. the "okay man", "the "uh, okay", "well", "buddy", those little words and phrases. i'll grant that it adds to the reality of the piece, but for me, it becomes something else; a piece of prose lifted from a novel, for instance. i like it but it seems too much and too removing. that last line of the dialogue leading into the next stanza is off - you tell him it was nice working with him, but then you go on to say you can't tell him that it was nice working with him? unless i'm misreading somewhere. i digress.

hmm. maybe even condensing it to something like

Shake hands, and I know that these kids, these adults,
they hate me, because I can see the disappointment;
they think they're doing better, calling for food faster, smoother
they don't see the lack of improvement, they don't understand
tells me "it was nice working with you"

obviously you'd write it better, that was just a throw together of what i meant (and why the **** do i always come to these forums and write lengthy critiques when i take vivance?).

well, that's all just my personal bias. it was put together greatly. nice job.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn