#1
let me lead you down a path upon which i've never tread
father has gone through the back door so our mouths may be filled with bread
tree stumps just trip you up at night and the sewers walk on two legs
they say his streets are paved with gold but if not for gold why would the lesser ones beg?

save for when they unleash solitude
overgrown cities and mother nature walking nude

the sun is setting quickly now, my friend
the people are sleeping but we can just pretend
a storms a comin but this city's roots run deep
we'll pack our chains at the drop of the last leaf

worn out backs and dusty bookshelves
seek the one who can save us from ourselves

Feel free to lay into me, not sure if it will even make sense to others.
#2
I like it, but the rhythm is a bit off in places, e.g., last line first stanza (cut out some words there). Really interesting: give it a title!
not going viral


Hot E-Cousin of rjaylaf

Non Evil E-Twin of stealstrings

E-NEMESIS of deathdrummer
#3
Bit emo for me, and the other dude is right, it's a bit off rhythm; other than that, put some chords in it and give it a go!
#4
get it, only one word I'd get rid of personally, "quickly" in what I'm assuming is your second verse... adverbs are the weakest words in our language, does not progress the action of the story.
Well. what.
#6
the sun is setting into emptiness, my friend
the people are sleeping but we can just pretend

Just a thought..