#1
why do we want to start things at the end?

black swept hair no makeup
baggy sweats one leg rolled up
smoothly shaved golden toned
indulgingly open questioning eyes
pull the waistband down scratch curved hip
tanktop generous press
void accent laughing
invitational initially considerate of time
aphrodite had a hand in blessing your head

but you have a yipping puppy
with prescriptions bottles filled and empty
scatter-chewed on your floor crowding your nightstand

so i'll be tiptoeing cautious
to not fall for beauty
veiling madness again.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#2
lol, very good.
Maybe cut a few words (or shorten the words) in the first stanza, condense a few lines.
Possible suggestions: the second 'up' of the poem in the second line bugs me. Delete it?
Indulging, instead of indulgingly? I would put question mark eyes (maybe) there instead of questioning, because the two 'ings' in that line is a bit off-putting. Invitational
could be shortened, too, do you think? It's hard to say without the music in my head that you are thinking about for it.
A cautionary tale, very nice.
not going viral


Hot E-Cousin of rjaylaf

Non Evil E-Twin of stealstrings

E-NEMESIS of deathdrummer
#3
Not that is of great importance, but if you could get your stanzas to meter out all in three lines... that might would be helpful for whatever music you plan on using. Especially since you more or less already have it close to that anyways. I dig the lyrics.
Well. what.