#1
Tried some new stuff on this one so let me know how you think it worked out. also wrote lyrics to sing, both rare/ new occurrences for me so id appreciate feedback on how those sound too. Just in general let me know what you think and leave a link to your piece and ill return the favor, thanks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOMabXzY3AI

Lyrics

pack away your goods
they never seem like enough
dont fall apart under dead weight
all away, all away

comfort breeds necessity
no longer envy thy neighbor
but covet thy king youre not good enough
so pour yourself into labor
surrogate people they give up
the twinkle in their eye
they bury their pain in make up
trying to stand out and hide

you wear a billboard on your chest
perpetuate the spring of distress
competition kills compassion
all away, all away

pixilated eyes glazed over
reflecting only whats been seen
they buzz and hum around us
the steady march of the machine
forgotten forests are put to death
on charges left unknown
because no one has to face the facts
from atop a self-proclaimed throne
#2
thanks for the crit on mine, i appreciate how thorough you were. I enjoyed your song, especially the verse parts. I really liked the bass for that part, it reminded me of Devendra Banhart (check him out, if you are unfamiliar). i liked the guitar solo, but i felt the last one was a bit out of place. it was just too rocking for the accoustic texture. i mean it was a cool solo, but it just didnt sound right with the song (not melodically-wise). maybe if you had drums or a different tone on the guitar it would have flowed better for me. but other than that, i really liked it :}

what is your song about? i'm reading your lyrics and theyre interesting
Last edited by omclovin at Dec 21, 2011,
#3
Oh, hello Syd Barrett, I thought you were long gone. Welcome back to the world.

Honestly, though, this REALLY reminds me of him. Less schizophrenic, but still just as acoustically psychedelic. I have to agree that the solo tone is too harsh for the song. The solo itself is perfect, but dial back on the gain, and try double-tracking the solo on an acoustic (Without all the whammy bar action, of course).

Tis a wonderful tune, perhaps adding a conga drum just for some extra rhythm halfway through or so? If at all?

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1505911
#4
Love the sound of the guitars ! how did you record it ? Your voice sounds good too.

I'll have to agree with the two before me about the guitar tone for the solo. Melodically it's good, it's a cool solo, but i think it would sound better with a tone somewhat halfway between a clean and full distortion. if you see what i mean ?

im gonna subscribe to your youtube account, you have some other cool stuff too.
#5
to omclovin: my songs about whatever you feel its about, haha. but im only half joking. i dont really want to nail it down too much because i dont think anything should have to be seen in one way and people are always going to look at things based on their background but overall id say its a critique on individualism/materialism and something to get you thinking about what you really value.

to L2112: when i was making this i could hear drums in it but unfortunately i dont really have a way to do that right now. it would definitely be a consideration if i ever decided to re-do it.

to UVER: thanks for the sub! i recorded everything in audacity: the bass straight in, the guitars through a mic and then i hooked up my computer to a little practice amp and played the keys in FL studio through the practice amp and recorded those with the mic. i realize this probably isnt a very efficient way to do that at all so if someone is reading this and has further types on utilizing FL studio or recording in general let me know.

about that guitar solo - im not going to disagree that the tone of it is out of place. i probably should have rolled it back before recording but at the time thats what i was shooting for. i was a little bit frustrated by the end and really just wanted to tear the cover off it on the outro. i also imagined the verses sounding a little heavier with drums which made it seem a little less out of place in my head but that doesnt help you guys.

thanks for the reviews so far, looking forward to hearing more
#6
I like the ideas it's a really cool vibe. Vocals could use some better production, but audacity can be tough to work with. Very much gives me an early pink floyd vibe. Good job!
Too cool for a signature.
#7
Man stuff like this makes me glad I sub'd you hah
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#9
@Chris - when you say the vocals could use more production, i agree but what are you referring to specifically when you say that? are there steps i could take to improving in that department?

@Matt - glad you liked it! everyone else should take a hint here ::wink wink::
#10
Hey Jmako! Awesome music! I've listened to the song you posted this thread on as well as reminiscence, and I've got to say, I really love the layering. Everything comes together very nicely. I think your music could benefit from almost a...bigger sound maybe? I'm not sure, but maybe more parts to the music, more change, more instruments that come in later. Something, but that's just my opinion.

You don't have to, but I have a song that I think could benefit from your critique. It's called Lakota. I'll post the link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYM1YsP85ck

Like I said, don't bother if you don't feel like it.