#1
It's a short piece, I don't have any particular song structure in mind as of right now, though it'll probably be a pretty heavy song.
___________________
On a moonlit night
I write this eulogy for every broken man
Broken down by the inner light
Shining through her latent eyes

Can we ask ourselves, are we happy after all?
This facade called compassion has taken it's toll
Revealing the shell of a man,
My inner sanctum is now a projection

This is the death of romance
The end of the line
I made it, & I'll break it
Since you f*cking can't

Smother me
Smother me
Rub my f*cking life down to the dirt
Smother me
Smother me
Rub my f*cking life down to the dirt

This is the death of romance
The end of the line
I made it, & I'll break it
Since you f*cking can't

This road has no end that I've found
Drag me down
Drag me down


Dawn your gown
#2
Interesting. Reminded me of "Romance is Dead" by Parkway Drive. Check that song out and maybe get some ideas from it.
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."

~ Kurt Cobain ~
#3

On a moonlit night
I write this eulogy for every broken man
Broken down by the inner light
Shining through her latent eyes

Can we ask ourselves, are we happy after all?
This facade called compassion has taken it's toll
Revealing the shell of a man,
My inner sanctum is now a projection
The only reason I mention this is because you rhymed in the first stanza -- unless you pronounce "all" weirdly, all and toll don't rhyme.

Another thing I will point out at this point (as I just thought of it) is passive voice. Your words aren't doing actions.. The actions as passively there. "has taken its toll" "is now a projection" are passive. People get drawn into things more if it's active, such as "this facade called compassion takes its toll" "my inner sanctum now projects . . ."


This is the death of romance
The end of the line
I made it, & I'll break it
Since you f*cking can't
The ampersand (& really irked me to read instead of just the word "and". But that's not a big deal since this is a set of lyrics and not poetry or prose. :p

Smother me
Smother me
Rub my f*cking life down to the dirt
Smother me
Smother me
Rub my f*cking life down to the dirt
I'm not sure "rub" is the best verb here. It's not strong enough to match the intensity you present with "f*ck". And, do you want them to rub it TO the dirt, or IN the dirt?

This is the death of romance
The end of the line
I made it, & I'll break it
Since you f*cking can't

This road has no end that I've found
Drag me down
Drag me down


Dawn your gown
Not sure if this is a play on words.. But if it's not saying the dawn is her gown, the correct word is "don" (to put on her gown).
Besides what is in red... I would be careful with expletives. I'm not against them.. But I do find it silly when they're used without meaning... They should be used at high points of tension, or whatnot. Maybe drop the "f*cking" from the third stanza and save it until later on when emotions are high..?

Hope at least some of what I said helps!

If you have time, here's a piece I just posted up. ^_^ https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28779751#post28779751