#1
My life will end, i will fade away.
My whole life i wasted till this day.
It turns to black, i can hear the bells,
is it my turn now to burn in hell?

The fate cut cruel into my life,
at the edge of bloody knife!
I only feel this stinging pain!
I'm gonna drown in blood and rain!

I don't get a chance to say goodbye,
I'm a good man, so tell me why?
My time runs down, that's why i pray.
Oh, father, please give me one more day!

The fate cut cruel into my life,
at the edge of bloody knife!
I only feel this stinging pain!
I'm gonna drown in blood and rain!

[Guitar-Solo]

Blood and rain!

It's time to leave this world behind.
But my heart fights against my mind.
Finally my end comes closer!
I'm sinking to hell, lower and lower.

The fate cut cruel into my life,
at the edge of bloody knife!
I only fell this stinging pain!
I'm gonna drown in blood and rain!

I'm gonna drown in blood and rain!
#2
Sounds pretty cool to me. I guess, it is supposed to be some kind of metalcore song?
I can imagine some cool riffs beneath your lyrics ^^
#3
Yes, It's going to be a Metalcore song. I'm trying to find some cool Riffs, but that's pretty hard. ;D
#5
Well, i have posted two other songs too. and there are lots of songs, which i haven't posted yet.
#6
Wow, very nice. I can sorta see where you're coming from when you wrote this and I'm sure plenty others can related.
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."

~ Kurt Cobain ~
#7
Quote by StreetBass252
My life will end, i will fade away.
My whole life i wasted till this day.
It turns to black, i can hear the bells,
is it my turn now to burn in hell?
What is the "it" that turns black?

The fate cut cruel into my life,
at the edge of bloody knife!
I only feel this stinging pain!
I'm gonna drown in blood and rain!
The first line of this stanza is really confusing, especially with the comma at the end (Puts a disconnect between the lines, which makes me want to read them as separate thoughts, but it seems like they're meant to go together).

And, I'm not sure if getting stabbed is a "stinging" sensation.


I don't get a chance to say goodbye,
I'm a good man, so tell me why?
My time runs down, that's why i pray.
Oh, father, please give me one more day!
This stanza doesn't fit the tone of the rest of the piece, so I'm assuming this is part of a clean break or something.

With that said, I still feel like this stanza is a little weak on the wording and word choice.


The fate cut cruel into my life,
at the edge of bloody knife!
I only feel this stinging pain!
I'm gonna drown in blood and rain!

[Guitar-Solo]

Blood and rain!

It's time to leave this world behind.
But my heart fights against my mind.
Finally my end comes closer!
I'm sinking to hell, lower and lower.

The fate cut cruel into my life,
at the edge of bloody knife!
I only fell this stinging pain!
I'm gonna drown in blood and rain!

I'm gonna drown in blood and rain!

Apart from what I said above, I'm not really a fan of the fact that you have an AABB rhyme scheme the whole way through. But that's your choice, and it doesn't seem TOO forced. :p

If you have time, here's a link to the piece I just posted.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28779751#post28779751
#8
Hm, ok. this is the very first song a wrote, and my english isn't very good... (I'm 14 and from Germany) But i also wrote an version with different lyrics. I'm going to post it later. Btw, thank you for the honesty.
#9
Quote by StreetBass252
Hm, ok. this is the very first song a wrote, and my english isn't very good... (I'm 14 and from Germany) But i also wrote an version with different lyrics. I'm going to post it later. Btw, thank you for the honesty.

Oooo. I see I see.
Well then... Have you considered just singing in German? :}
(German > English)

Haha.. I was just pointing out some stuff that even native English speakers overlook.
#10
Mhm, no, I don't think I'm going to sing... I rather play Bass I want to play in a Band, and maybe I'll do backing vocals (I can scream good and growl a little bit )