#1
Song I've been working on about my dad.

A tyrant you'd become, with you power
At least that's what I thought
But lately, I've learned in the hour
You have left me, alone, for your god

You have returned, to the stars
And while the world spins round
You'll still beat on, in my heart

Yes I know, I'm a coward
Its too late to admit I was wrong
It took me until the final hour
A tyrant, you are no more

You are now one, with the stars
And while the world floats on
You'll still, beat on in my heart

(then it fades into a lengthy trippy reverbed choirlike instrumental with a faint heartbeat in the background until the end of the song)
#2
I like that you have a plan for what to do with the song. You giving that description of the music actually helped on my second read-through with the flow (The first time the commas were throwing me off a little trying to figure out the flow).

As for the actual content:

I assume "A tyrant you'd become, with you power" should be "your power"..? Make sure you proofread! :p

Also, I know rhyming is very simple to do and is often all songs are.. But the third line confuses me. "But lately, I've learned in the hour". "In the hour" is a present/recent past time frame, so "but lately" is quite redundant. I'd rework this line, and don't try to force yourself to rhyme if that's where the "in the hour" came from.

Not really a major issue, but in the second stanza I might consider changing "And while the world spins 'round" to "But while the world spins 'round" to contrast the first line ("You have returned, to the stars") with the third ("You'll still beat on, in my heart").

Again, not major thing, but perhaps the "Yes" in "Yes I know, I'm a coward" could be unneeded. Or it might be needed.. I'd say that depends on the song as a whole and how many syllables you need to fill a part or to produce the sound you want. If it's just there to be there, though, I would consider dropping it, as it presents the imagery of someone telling you/the speaker that you/they are a coward, whereas the rest of the song is a monologue.


Sorry for your loss, mate. It sounds like a heartfelt song, though, so kudos.

If you have time, here's my piece that I just posted: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28779751#post28779751
:]