#1
we walk hand in hand as tv static
patterns of black and white so indistinct they move -
whirring with warmth, buzzing like whispers
of ghosts whose voices have scattered from their tombs

in white noise I kiss you
with cloudstacks conspiring
and filling the cracks in
the roof of your mouth -
in darkness you tell me
of past lives you conquered
in efforts to lose touch
and travel down south

in silence we smile.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#2
I found an incredible rhythm starting with the second stanza that you may or may not have done on purpose, but it's berry berry nice. Wah Woo Wee Wa Wi Wo Way, alliteration is nice.

You have such a quiet yet intense style, and it's awesome to see how many different moods you can create with the same sort of thing. Dark, somber, light, bouncy, melancholy, happy sad up down. All of it.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
You've always been one of the writers I keep an eye on because your work has such a unique voice, and this piece is one of the better ones I've read over the years.

The only part that stuck out to me was the line break of "... the cracks in / the roof ..." I feel like it should have broken before 'in' rather than after. Other than that nitpick, this was an amazing read.
#4
thank you so much, I appreciate it
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja