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#1
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God..."

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord,bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly grateful. Amen.


I found this story pretty funny, but what does UG think of it? What life lesson does UG take from it? And what kind of insults about religion can UG come up with due to this story...cause I already know ya'll will make some.


50 posts till this gets closed >_>
#2
That all christians are good people. And all athiests will die.

Obviously a soviet propaganda story
╘MESHUG╦G╗AH





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#3
Quote by ethan_hanus
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God..."

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord,bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly grateful. Amen.


I found this story pretty funny, but what does UG think of it? What life lesson does UG take from it? And what kind of insults about religion can UG come up with due to this story...cause I already know ya'll will make some.


50 posts till this gets closed >_>


No offence Ethan, but it's you. Any insults will probably be directed towards yourself sadly.
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#4
I chuckled a bit, but
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#5
That God's a twat.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#6
That bears can talk.
Begin again in the night, let's sway again tonight.
Your arm on my shoulder, your cheek against mine.
Where can we go, when will we find that, we know.
#11
Quote by moscaespañol

This caught me so off guard, holy shit
Begin again in the night, let's sway again tonight.
Your arm on my shoulder, your cheek against mine.
Where can we go, when will we find that, we know.
#12
Quote by palm mute
Too easy.


This, if you're going to troll us, you have to at least put some effort into it. It's no fun if you just kind of throw it at us and expect us to do all the work.
#13
There's an old saying that goes "there are no atheists in foxholes," and it's complete bullshit. "Oh my God" and "Jesus Christ" are exclamations. I say both frequently and I'm an atheist. It's not like I'm falling on my knees and begging for divine intervention. They're just sayings to me.

I also know a guy who was attacked by a bear and no gods showed up.

Anyway, my stories are better.
#14
Uh, I don't think there was a lesson, unless it was that eating animals is wrong, or something. Unless you're Christian. Then it's ok.

Quote by MakinLattes
There's an old saying that goes "there are no atheists in foxholes," and it's complete bullshit. "Oh my God" and "Jesus Christ" are exclamations. I say both frequently and I'm an atheist. It's not like I'm falling on my knees and begging for divine intervention. They're just sayings to me.

But are you in a foxhole?
Last edited by neidnarb11890 at Dec 28, 2011,
#15
Quote by SlayingDragons
This, if you're going to troll us, you have to at least put some effort into it. It's no fun if you just kind of throw it at us and expect us to do all the work.

This. Back in my day, trolling meant something.
#18
Quote by wizards?
This. Back in my day, trolling meant something.

your avatar

281-330-8004, that's my cell phone number, hit me up on the low
#20
Quote by moscaespañol


He's a freak of nature, but we love him so.

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#22
A man brings his wife home a bouquet of flowers. "I guess I'm gonna have to spread my legs now" the wife said. the husband says "why would you do that, don't you have a vase?"
FORZA CATANIA
#23
Quote by ethan_hanus
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God..."

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord,bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly grateful. Amen.


I found this story pretty funny, but what does UG think of it? What life lesson does UG take from it? And what kind of insults about religion can UG come up with due to this story...cause I already know ya'll will make some.


50 posts till this gets closed >_>



ahem...

Grizzly bears normally avoid contact with people. In spite of their obvious physical advantages and many opportunities, they almost never view humans as prey; bears rarely actively hunt humans.[34] Most grizzly bear attacks result from a bear that has been surprised at very close range, especially if it has a supply of food to protect, or female grizzlies protecting their offspring.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grizzly_bear#Conflicts_with_humans
Go Veg.
#25
Quote by neidnarb11890
Uh, I don't think there was a lesson, unless it was that eating animals is wrong, or something. Unless you're Christian. Then it's ok.


But are you in a foxhole?

I'm not in to beastiality, sorry. That's more of a Bible thing.
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#28
Quote by wizards?
I always figured that was what the whole book of Job was out to prove


Apparently, Job was meant as more a fairy tale/precautionary tale rather than a factual account of God's work.


And let's not make lame jokes about the whole "well the Bible in its entirety is a fairy tale."

Because I'm sure if you did, it'd be hilarious.
#29
You obviously made this in order to take a swipe at the non-religious. You're the Dawkins of Christianity, Ethan.
#30
Oh jesus, Ethan...

I can't express in words how much you failed at life just now.
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#31
I read the story before and had some lulz. People need to stop being so butthurt.
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^


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#32
Quote by wizards?
This. Back in my day, trolling meant something.

This Pit deserves a better class of troll...

...but I'm too witless to give it to 'em. An amusing post, but perhaps not for the reasons you intended.
Last edited by Flying Couch at Dec 28, 2011,
#34
Dude...you don't have to post the chain emails you get. Just delete them and move on.
*-)
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#37
I don't get it Ethan. Based on your posts on GG&A and GB&C, you're clearly somewhat intelligent. Then you go and ruin your credibility by being the worst troll ever.

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#38
I'm atheist as balls and laughed

Lighten up folks!

I wrote a similar story:

A Christian was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself + Jesus. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path with his God given legs. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped on a rock God had placed there and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the Christian cried out: "Oh my God..."

The bear ate him.
#40
Quote by Weaponized
I'm atheist as balls and laughed

Lighten up folks!

I wrote a similar story:

A Christian was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself + Jesus. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path with his God given legs. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped on a rock God had placed there and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the Christian cried out: "Oh my God..."

The bear ate him.


That's just.... pathetic.
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