eggzibit A
broken shells leaked on cold lino -
dischloth, rag, teatowel me.
rain and erosion, carve me a river,
smoke up and float over me.
your torso evidently bloodied
and a red rip runs down your side.
laughter, probs.
make like a treetop monkey and fling
yourself acros the canopy.
I'm the tree that singes in the forest fire.
point B and that unfortunate intercourse
takes shape like a luminous monster
in the darkness.
two bright green eyes growling in the recent past.
the sofa, floor, beanbag, stairs, bedroom, shower,
surfaces, tabletops, chairs, benches, cars and baths
all become frozen glass.
your toes still crease up with desire.
finally, anchors in the deep sea set in stone
vomit upwards in disgust,
tethered by vague rules of gravity and pressure that
away like your dimples.
broom, sweep, dyson me up a treat.
prepare the washcloth, the bin bag, the battlegear.
so you can't see in.
I'm not really sure what to do with this. I've read it about 10 times now and I have the faintest of ideas of what it's about, but there's nothing here to tie it all together for me. The last two lines are so ominous for me because they could mean such an extraordinary amount of things. The canopy/trees thing adds nothing to the piece because I have no idea what it's referring to, there's no contextual connection with any other idea or phrase in here. Also, if you meant to seperate it into three different parts(eggzibit A, point B and beginning with finally), then I would suggest splitting it into stanzas to make that intention more clear, as I'm not sure if I'm bullshitting myself or not.

What I can make out of this is really great though, but as a whole it's rough. I think the superfluous or incomprehensible parts(I can't tell which they are) would do better if they were either cleaned up or removed, but that's just me.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
This one seems a little more comprehensible than your others, but so far all i can make out is a fight between a couple that went overboard. It's not saying much about you or the way you see things, it might be, but I'm just not getting it and it turns me off as a reader at times.

Solid imagery though.
my second favorite thing I've ever read from you, topped only by the three line or so about chocolate on teeth/tongue.


edit: I didn't like the very first (non)word, though