#1
eye-****ing-royalty

usually,
when i'm in Madrid,
i stay in an apartment overlooking
el Retiro, the King's old hunting grounds,
at the home of the descendants
to Spanish nobility

i go with iñigo, my host-hermano,
to the nightlife where i am the only
foreigner, i try to convince the club,
"¡I AM A PRINCE OF DUBAI!" and fail,
pay anyway, move inside to the masses
of tanned bodies shouting, "¡MUHAMMAD!"
bumming my cigarettes, spouting names
by the dozens, kisses on both cheeks, i tell one
that her "tetas pequeñas son perfectas"--
everyone knows that broken English
and small boobs are in--
i smash glasses, write on walls, dance madly
atop the posts of the kitsch boxing ring
until the bouncers are pushing
through the crowd
towards me.

-----------------

a year later,
Iñigo is out of town for Christmas
and i am here with my family.

tomorrow morning,
the Royal Family will be across the street
from my 5-star Palace Hotel, convening
Parliament to mark the change to the new,
capitalist government.

i go to El Prado,
where the children know what's up,
staring at the only moving work of art
in the entire museum, taxis stop
in the street, idle conversations drop
into silence as I pass--
i look up,
a flash of eye contact, but
you look down as if
you never peeked

usually,
i'm not much of an ass man,
but for once, i'm liking the view
from behind, a look over my shoulder,
in the corner of my eye, ah, ahead of me
on the sidewalk: brightly colored jeans,
hot pants, leggings, hugging tight
to flat butts and bulging badonk,
to thin legs and thunder thighs--
¡salud!

clad with holes in my sweatshirt,
red paint splattered across my coat,
and a clean white turban--
tonight, Madrid,
i am the only prince that matters,
a lone tattered hipster-hero
wandering the university bars,
searching for some royal
compensation.

yes,
I am a 21-year-old college student who begins
sentences with "usually, when I'm in Madrid"
finishes, "the descendants of Spanish nobility"

and if I am
a bit of an ass man
then you
my friends
have a hair fetish

together,
we feast for our eyes.
Last edited by punchupatatigge at Jan 1, 2012,
#2
I know the second stanza has relevance towards the end of the piece but I don't see it as essential. It was an aside that instead of pulling me into your character, didn't make me want to read on and seemed a little - for you anywhere - a bit of an angsty aside. Give your reader some credit - I took in what was written in the first stanza and knew that you were the type of person that started "usually" etc. The college stuff can come later. You signposting it wasn't pretty. It's the same reason why some black stand-up comics on television really annoy me, because every joke starts "You know I'm black right?". It's there already.

I also say the last four lines of the penultimate stanza are not needed - through the piece it's inferred your a bit of a hipster, you've implied the college/royalty thing. Why not leave it with the strong exclamation of "I am the only prince that matters" (and capitlise the "p" man, add it some gravitas).

Nice touches like including your knowledge of the economies, royalty, heritage etc really built you up nicely without you slamming it home.

Really interesting read as always.
#3
some changes made. I like your ideas very much. Hope you get a chance to check back and throw a thought. I've looked at your latest but am reserving a critique for when I have access to a keyboard (later this week). Glad to see you're still here.
#4
Yeah, moving it down works really nice, nice call-back. Makes it worthy.

Don't worry about a return, I'm not really writing at the moment, just going through the motions.