#1
Working progress but any thoughts would be nice.

--- --- --- --- --- >

He was just a big-shot man
who went nowhere fast,
They all say they knew him once
but he didn't give them a chance.
He fell in love with the highway noise
and the roads that took his life away,
Now a shadow of the man he was,
he just fights to get through the days.

The die cast, this would never last;
Just a footprint in his winding path.
A fool's hope he cast in stone,
If only someone had done the maths
As time passed he broke all ties
It was far too late when he realised
That his arrogance would come crashing down
And bring an end to this guise.

How did it get to this?
When we can only exist through bliss,
It's quite clear that it's all gone wrong
And we're resigned to simply acting along

[CHORUS]
But our words will burn red,
With memories of broken laughter.
Why couldn't we let this go
Instead of dealing with all the reality after
So we're burning up before our eyes;
A masterpiece of misread lies
So will we live and finally die alone?
Until there's no one left to erase what we have sewn.

To deficit from payment plans
Greed takes us from the lives we know,
The subliminal choice of tone
Suggests each man is on his own
And through the rights that we have gained,
By the grief and blood of those unnamed
These selfish acts and endless tacts
Should fill the air with shame.

Yet through this hypocrasy
Why is it so hard to see
A lost cause is seldom won,
We're travesty of what we could be.

[CHORUS]

He was just a big shot man
Who went nowhere fast
They all say they knew him once
But he didn't give them a chance
The winding road beneath our feet
Could be the road to take our life away
But the shadows of a time we've outlast
Suggests it's best it we just stayed.

[CHORUS]
Now I'm walking the empty solemn streets
Casting down the shadows of my defeat
You look at me as if I'm throwing my life away
Well I'll tell you now, I'm not a fucking hyperbole.

Honey
#3
Quote by thegoldenshroom
what sound are you going for with this song?


It's a punk/indie song, not sure how else to describe the sound.
Now I'm walking the empty solemn streets
Casting down the shadows of my defeat
You look at me as if I'm throwing my life away
Well I'll tell you now, I'm not a fucking hyperbole.

Honey
#4
Really good, actually. It sounds a lot more professional and less cliche-ridden than lots of the other lyrics I read hear.

Funny that you said it's a punk/indie song, because it kinda reminded me of Cage the Elephant.
#5
I don't usually post in the lyric forum, but I've just got to say, I like them lyrics alot. . As HaveSomeGlue said it isn't filled with cliche lines and all that.

Well Done Mate!
Quote by Kensai
You'll find whisky very different, but try it and you'll grow into it, soon you and whisky are one, but still two, lovers dancing across a frozen lake under moonlight, wrapped in honey and warmth.


Sums up whisky perfectly
#6

Funny that you said it's a punk/indie song, because it kinda reminded me of Cage the Elephant.

funny that you said it reminded you of Cage the Elephant, because that's exactly what i was thinking
Quote by ApatheticMe
i agree with the shroom
#7
Sorry, I found it a bit chewy and I lost interest.. It seemed to ramble.
not going viral


Hot E-Cousin of rjaylaf

Non Evil E-Twin of stealstrings

E-NEMESIS of deathdrummer
#8
Do you have a melody and instrumental for it? If so, are you going to record because I'd love to hear it.
#9
I feel like you could really condense this down to give it some oomph. Chew the fat, slim it down, take out unnecessary bits. You sort of say the same thing over and over and over. However, the actual writing was pretty solid. It seems well written, but like it needs a nice editorial eye.

I recommend you don't look at this for a week or so... let it slip from your mind so you aren't sentimentally attached to the way it is written and then come back to it and really hash through it taking out what you don't need and then re-structuring the rest to fit your melody.

I enjoyed what was here... just feel it needs a bit of a clean up. Cheers.