#1
I haven't been round these parts in a while...

I really want to record this song but at the moment it's a fucking mess. I'm pretty sure I don't have anything to add to it (apart from a few leads that I will improvise,) so it's complete in that sense, but I'm having trouble meshing everything together.

Mind having a look see and giving me a bit of feedback? I won't tell you which bits work and which bits don't (they're all transitional issues so they should be obvious) because I want you to tell me what works and what doesn't. I suspect we'll come to the same conclusions.


The .zip has a midi and GP4 and GP5 files in it. For those of you using the GPs, I've written 'song starts here' and 'song ends here' because there's bits of music either side that I've decided not to put in the song anywhere but haven't bothered cutting out and putting somewhere else yet. For those of you who listen to the midi, it starts at 0:11 and ends at 6:42.


Cheers, lads (and ladettes.)
Attachments:
agasdfa.zip
#4
I can only see a couple of transitional issues - I guess the transition into bar 81 is slightly dodgy, but that could be fixed easily with some minor changes to bar 80. Maybe the lead guitar could come in slightly earlier with some little lick to lead into the lead part, that'd probably be enough.

Most noticeably the transition into the slow bit at bar 121 part is quite sudden, that needs work - I'd suggest bridging the gap with a new section, I can't think of any way of making that mid-tempo triplet riff lead straight into the slow one that wouldn't seem incredibly forced. I can imagine a chord change working, transposing that riff, so that a return to D will have the impact it should. Or maybe that'd be a good place for another acoustic section - at the moment the slow riff, instead of sounding very very heavy like it should, it just sounds like a sudden drop in momentum. You need some way of building up tension before it so it has the impact it needs.

Also, unless the song has been written specifically to go underneath a vocal part, some of the riffs could be repeated less, or at least variated a bit. The harmonising triplet riff at bar 65 got repeated loads, and it was probably the weakest riff. It seems like an easy riff to transpose into different keys and have fun harmonising in different ways, I'd suggest possibly trying that.

Otherwise a pretty solid song. The slow riff at bar 137, the one starting at bar 175, and the one at bar 41 were my favourites. And the odd percussion behind the acoustic part works surprisingly well.
#5
Quote by Butt Rayge

who are winds of plague?



I don't have any clue myself but got to check out :O!
Very intresting sound. Your triplets have some groove man! Haven't thinked about adding bass track? And btw 211-> sounds cool, but 224-> owns it 10/1. And nice ending.
#6
The intro was kinda weird in my ears For the song that follows i REALLY REALLY like it I assume you like Lamb of God? Some riffs sound kinda like them. Bars 121-152 were kinda "boring", but if you add some vocals there it should sound good :-)

If you have time C4C Pls :-)

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1510502
#7
Hey, sorry it's taken so long to get to this.
I really liked it, mostly, loved the riff at bar 33-36, but the riff following it at bar 41-44 felt like it lacked something. Only other thing, really, is the 'bridge' part, starting at bar 121, the bridge its self is great, but it seems to just drop in from nowhere, maybe work on a transition riff.
#8
Ok first of all that little acoustic guitar bit for the first 4 measures that youre using in another song is REALLY cool, so yeah.

The Intro of the song is really excellent, and I can definitely see the lamb of god influences. However the drum fill at measure 16 makes it sound perhaps a bit too much like the intro to "laid to rest" XD The sections that come after it are all good as well, however they might need some tweaking to make each riff/section more "defined" I'm not sure exactly which riff would be the chorus, which is a problem...as the chorus should be instantly recognizable/high point of the song as opposed to just one riff in a succession.

I'm not saying that none of the riffs are metal chorus riff worthy, just that whichever one it is really needs to stand out from the rest of the song. Perhaps you could use a hook, or even bring back the opening guitar part of the song during the chorus, or maybe use the previous section and incorporate a buildup. You don't ALWAYS need a transition between riffs (think "now you've got something to die for" by Lamb) though.

After listening through the song a few times I feel like the riff at measure 33 is the one you were using as a "chorus". If so it fits well, but it really needs to be brought out more. Assuming that riff is the chorus, I REALLY like the one that comes after it. It has a cool egyption/arabic or whatever vibe to it, but is really moshy too, I can see a huge crowd going crazy over this stuff.

I also like the short guitar solo bit before the next chorus. It's not too showy, and the second guitar harmonizes great. It does well to signal that a chorus is coming, but i still think the rhythm section (drums or w/e) need to build up with it as well somehow.

Honestly I think you should just delete measures 121 - 174. It breaks the flow of the song and makes it at least 30 seconds to a minute longer than the song needs to be. If you really really like the riff then definitely throw it in the memory banks but this song doesnt need it You should just go from measure 120 directly to 175....that little clean bit is really sweet. It reminds me of a mix of BTBAM and classic video game menu screens or shop music However maybe halfway through the second guitar could come and in spice up the riff with chords or harmonies? Just a suggestion.

The ending of the song is near perfect as well, however the drums should really be doing crazy stuff here, especially during the guitar chords in the last two measures. You could try kick drum triplets or maybe a little ride bell action to round out the song.


Overall this is a really cool song, I think you definitely need to cut out measures 120-174 and try to get the song a little shorter than 7 minutes. The chorus is there but needs more definition to really stand out, bringing back the original intro hook/riff is one idea for that. The song is great for its genre (log style metal) although some riffs borrow a little too heavy from their style. With some arrangement tweaks, a bass track, and a beefed up drum part it will be perfect

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=28924139#post28924139
Kurzweil K2500xs
Last edited by ~Flounder~ at Jan 16, 2012,