The last few days ive been digging the whole hit record and then just start playing thing and came out with these two songs. It seems like kind of a weird thing to be asking critiques for since it doesnt necessarily follow conventional standards but let me know what works and what doesnt because im sure youll be able to find a bit of both. If all else fails, let me know what kind of vibes youre getting from the songs so i can get a feel for how/if what i think im putting into them is the same thats coming out (not that it even has to be, though).

leave your songs and ill c4c

EDIT: Brukhein added as of .... now!
Brukhein - 1:25

Chronically Dead - 1:50

Citizen Rain - 3:59
Last edited by jmako at Jan 5, 2012,
only listened to citizen rain but the guitar in this song is frikkin cool, you play some ugly notes sometimes but i know its on purpose and it fits what youre trying to portray with your songs perfectly. the effects going on around 3:00 kind of distracted me though

great work overall, though. check out mine?

- Synyster Schecter Standard
- Peavey Vyper 15

I'm currently using Cubase 5 for any recording purposes.
You give me elaborate/kind reviews, so I'll comment on another of your songs. 'Citizen Rain': I'm not sure it sounds like a complete song, though I like parts of it. Little bits of it remind me of Hendrix. Sounds like occasional clipping happening, otherwise audio quality is pretty good. Mostly a trippy song.
Citizen Rain - I like how sometimes it's very cohesive, and other times the guitars sound like they're breaking apart, then coming together again. I like the tone. The dissonance and out of tune parts seem to fit effortlessly into the more rhythmic and melodic parts. I'm thoroughly enjoying this.

Chronically Dead - Immediately loving the percussion, and the effects going on in the back. I like how this isn't solely guitar. I can hear the same style shown in the previous song, but with enough variation to keep things interesting. The additional instrumentation is real nice. I love this thing at 1:29, whatever it is. I found this song to be slightly more interesting, but it also seemed to be all over the place, and I lost the sense of flow that the previous song had. This just seems like a cluster of ideas, albeit good ones.

Two great songs here, I'm liking both. Do you mind checking out some of my stuff? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1509419
i see you like john frusciante
im definitely the person to critique this
im listening to citizen rain...
so far im enjoying it
definitely sounds like ...and usually just t shirt, im waiting for those girl voices in the background **** **** piss cum this song makes me happy so far im really diggin it.
i think some ambient synth would fit. like uber effect driven synth like one note and just **** with it in the background?
so yeah that song was awesome

im listening to the second one... definitely not john frusciante anymore, kinda reminds me of bucketheads acoustic shards.
can you play these? like do you remember how they go or was it an improv on the spot kinda thing until you ended up with the sound you wanted?

that note around 1:10 is what i was talking about, so i guess you are way ahead of me
trippy shit breh, im diggin...it ended? very nice breh
I really like your guitar melodies in Citizen Rain, and some of the harmonies that occur when your two parts coincide together. The only problem I have with the song is the lack of structure, it feels a little wandery, not really going anywhere. Apart from that loved it, and the guitar tone, did that happen to be a strat by any chance? Anyway heres mine http://soundcloud.com/danlarsen West and Loop are the newest.
General response to everyone so far - as far as structure goes, for both of these i pressed record before i knew what i was going to play then just did it until i felt like i was done. once i did that i went back to the beginning and pressed record again so i was listening to it back for the first time while adding to it as it went, then id listen to that back while recording, etc until it sounded done. as far as knowing what i played and being able to reproduce it, the beginning arpeggio part of citizen rain i had been messing around with before but everything else is improv on the spot so probably not. the repetitive parts of citizen rain i could figure out again pretty easily.

@Mike - not totally sure which effect you mean but im guessing its the pick scratchings and the like. i can see what you mean though they are a little wacky, then again thats why theyre there

@iommipage - sounds like you really nailed the essence of both, the first falling in and out of cohesion and the second being totally disjointed. the second had even less planning than the first and wasnt even going to be a song but i liked how it sounded when it was done. i kept adding on to it until i got to the point where i was like ok thats more than enough. i wanted it to be longer but the part i added last wasnt going anywhere so i deleted it and called it a day.

@peppers - you could say i like john, haha and its funny you should mention that song with the girl because when i was done with that one initially i had mixed feelings about it because A. i thought it was cool but B. i felt like it was exactly the style of one of those songs and could slip in there without anyone even noticing. its funny you say the second one isnt john because i made it immediately after finishing a cover of running away into you (which you should check out if youre interested) so that was the biggest outside influence but maybe it just has more of my spin on it. now that you say the acoustic shards thing i actually see what you mean, ive heard that a couple times but not in a long time so thats probably coincidental.

@dan - those harmonies that happen are probably one of the top reasons i like music like this so much. as was mentioned with the john music too, it can be really disjointed and ugly at times but even then and sometimes even for a second a couple notes will align and create pure bliss and i love the sound of that happening on its own sometimes instead of being forced or planned. people like to have the illusion of control but in reality were pretty much powerless, so why not let go and let things happen in the music sometimes and see where it takes itself instead (ahem, living like rain?) oh and yeah it is a strat, what gave it away?
Last edited by jmako at Jan 5, 2012,
i made another new song today called Brukhein and decided to just add it to this thread instead of making a whole new one. For those who already commented, check it out if youre interested, i can always critique another of your songs back if you want. For those that havent give it a look, its pretty short so its definitely worth it.