#1
New piece, very bizarre and different for me (Features Slap Bass, feedback, Parallel Minor Chords, Metric Modulation... I think). Influences and length are listed by pressing F5 on the GP files. Hopefully it will be recorded soon.

C4C and Enjoy!

New and slightly improved version now available as of 21/01/11.

I've now just added one with a modulated ending however I can't decide whether I like it or not.
Attachments:
Sanity's Departure.gp4
Sanity's Departure.gp5
Sanity's Departure2.gp5
Last edited by HaydenHohns at Jan 21, 2012,
#2
i find this easy to masturbate to.

in all honesty, this is amazing man, absolutely amazing. i always listen in midi and honestly, sounded like the most insane game of pokemon ever. ahahaha but seriously, great ****ing job, i applaud people who can write like this, it's just nuts.
#3
Part A: Beautiful intro.
Part B: Nice introduce.
Part C: Nice.. Don't know what really..
Part D: You really play this ?
Part E: I like really lead guitars.
Part F: Nice break.
Part H: Nice, little bit slower.
Part I: So its same as C, but little bit diffrent. COOL!
Part J: Cool..
Part K: Again cool leads..
And outro.. Nice ending.

So.. 5/5, and more. This song has balls!
#4
Awesome piece, great use of modulations, and besides some odd moments, I can't find any flaws. But I honestly don't like the triplet diminished sweep at the end of bar 24, although it functions better in 26 as it gives a more definitive resolve.

But yeah, good work, some great sections in here.

I still don't have anything really finished, and I don't really feel like posting incomplete ideas again.
#5
@BloodReverence: Thanks for the compliments again. You're posts are always welcome on my threads. Funny you mentioned Pokemon... I just whipped out the old Yellow Version before I was writing this...

@xbitmetal: On the slightly updated version (I haven't posted it becuase I haven't changed any of the music) of this it says arranged for one guitar (Thus implying it will be recorded with two). I'll probably pan each take hard left and right when recorded to emphasise the call-and-response nature of the riff. That said, with a little work I can get it up to speed (And play it as one riff). Glad you like it. Let me know if you need a critique later on.

@Life Is Brutal: Ha! I did that purely for the quirky sound it produces when executed in such a manner. I definitely will experiment with some different arpeggios/fills before I start recording. Thanks for the critique. Just send me a PM when you have something up. Remeber it's better to have a great piece in time than a mediocre piece now. Just take your time. I'm not leaving anytime soon (Not until I have at least one professional album fully completed; trust, me that will take a while considering I am a perfectionist to a fault).

Thanks again for all the critiques, they're all very much appreciated.
#6
I have one tiny problem and it's the sweep in bar 26. I see that you needed to extend that bar for the transition into 5/4, but that sweep just sounds like half a second's worth of widdling. I think you need something to lead into the lead guitar harmony more smoothly, maybe a short ascending 8th note or quarter note run.

Oh and also, this might seem obvious, but I think ending the harmony on the 4th sounds a bit odd. I'd change the F# in bar 29 to a G#.

Otherwise I bloody loved it. This is definitely your best piece so far - I remember in some of your older ones the guitar seemed slightly unnecessarily flashy, here it's just as flashy but very tasteful and well-phrased. The solo reminds me of Jeff Loomis a lot, whom I know you're influenced by. The time signature changes all work really well also. The extra beats in bars 18 and 22 form a lovely tail to the riff, and the 5/4 half of [D] worked so well rhythmically I didn't even notice at first that it was in 5/4.

My favourite part was definitely [E]. The lead harmony there, and the way it's complimented by Guitar IV sounds immense.

The intro builds up anticipation and reminds me of Nevermore songs like Cenotaph or The Lotus Eaters. The thrashier riffing is great, it reminds me of Necrophagist or of Rust In Peace-era Megadeth. I loved what guitar IV was playing under the solo, and the short lead lick at the end of C leading into D.

OH and also - in bar 34 I'd change the last notes on the lead guitars. I'd have Guitar II play E instead of D#, and Guitar I play A# instead of F#. That way you end on an ascending note and a tritone harmony, to build tension and lead into [E] much more climactically. I think. Try it anyway.

AND right at the end, after bar 104 I imagined a further variation of [K] sounding great. If you transposed the lead part over a different chord progression, maybe D and G#m? That's what I imagined anyway. 'san idea.

Anyway, overall, I loved it. Definitely your best so far.
#7
hallo! long time no crit buddy

Measures 1-19 were really cool, some very refreshing and original material. However after that.....idk. It sounds cool, and theres a lot of interesting/technical stuff you have going on, but it doesn't really flow as a song. Many of the riffs clash with each other instead of developing something, or building up to something. For example, riff C is a very upbeat, metalish sounding riff with lots of potential. Usually when the band "hits" one note and rests for a measure while the guitar plays a motif, its a perfect build up for a cool verse, functioning as a transition from the intro of the song to the beef of it. However section D also 'feels' like the same type of riff, so now there's two riffs competing for the same function at the same place in the song.

The sweeps you use in measures 32 and then (inversion) in 49 are great, but perhaps the timing is slightly off, try using all 3rd triplets maybe?

H sounds great, however the extended tapping section is pretty obnoxious, and just comes out of nowhere.

I thought L was good, and the last two measures of the song/ending were perfect.


Overall, this song began and ended perfectly. I just have some issues with whats in between. Like I said in the beginning, it feels like the flow of the song is off, many of the riffs (like B and C) are great at building up tension, but only result in another riff that performs the same function. It seems like they build up but don't go anywhere. I would assume riff E is something like a chorus? If it's a jam song then cool, but if not then I think many listeners will have a hard time figuring out whats going on, or where they are in the song as it is currently written.

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1511635
Kurzweil K2500xs
#8
I haz piece ready

You don't have to do much of a crit at all if you don't want to, but if you want to write a shit load I guess I'll just write a bunch back.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1513146

I'll do a full crit of yours in about an hour or two, I need to get to Physics.
Last edited by Life Is Brutal at Jan 20, 2012,
#9
TEH CRIT TO END ALL CRITS

This will not live up to its name.

Opening clean phrases are great, and it all ties together really well, although I think the bass tapping pulls away some of the feel that had been created.

The distortion is introduced well, and there's quite a bit of power in those initial hits. The opening riff works well, and the clean guitar over the top of the mix at around bar 19 adds that nice touch.

D is another good section, but I still can't get over that damn diminished fall.

Its probably because it doesn't lead into any particular resolution note so it just sounds unfinished, You complete it when you transition with the leads, with the jazz guitar on the F# in bar 33, but you might leave it too open for my ears when its first used in D.

Lead section at 33 is great.

AND HOW BOUT THAT TRANSITION TO PHRYGIAN DOMINANT?


Honestly, I'm starting to hate the when people say "Phrygian Dominant", because even though its a real thing, and people do use it correctly, some people just do random harmonic minor noodling and are all like "Yeah, that was in C# Phrygian Dominant" And they have NO IDEA OF WHAT IT IS.

Honestly, for that reason I would sooner call it a progression in Harmonic minor that resolves on a half cadence.

That said, you use it correctly and know what it is and how it functions.

But I digress. I like the chromatics in the upper voicings.

Transition back into D works well, and I like the lead break in the middle and end of the section.

H is a cool section, and I liked the solo up until the seemingly unneeded tapping, and I liked the end phrase of it quite a bit.

I should've mentioned earlier that the lick in bar 78 by the jazz guitar is really cool. I have mixed feelings about the reiteration of it a third above in measure 82, but that's probably because I've started lessons in counterpoint.

Everything else has already been stated, and fits/flows.

The ending functions, but for some reason it didn't seem as complete to me. Probably because you ended on a Half cadence in E minor.

Last edited by Life Is Brutal at Jan 20, 2012,
#10
Thanks for all the crits, they're amazing, incredibly helpful. I'll upload a slightly updated version now that I've deconstructed and synthesised your suggestions.

@whalepudding: I liked your suggestions, I kept the first harmony as a perfect 4th but the last time it is played I've changed it to a perfect fifth as you suggested. Also I thought I would create the tritone harmony with D# and A as opposed to E and A# so I don't upset the key change and stay on the same note for guitar two. I have not tried the modulation at the end yet though.

@~Flounder~: Personally I disagree with what you've said (I've got nothing against you though). It is instrumental but this is by no means a jam song. I would compare my music to 20th century classical music before Jazz or Fusion. I did also try the straight triplets but it didn't help. If you're curious, C is the "Intro" riff to establish the new mood while also retaining subtle musical hints from the previous two section to ensure a safe transition. D would be comparable to a Verse and the last two bars of the two phrases (5/4 grouped as 3 + 3 + 2 + 2 mini-sections) are comparable to a Pre-Chorus.

@Life Is Brutal: I had no idea you did Physics. What do you study specifically? I'm considering a dual major in Astrophysics and Mathematics (Probably Pure or Applied).

Anyway, thanks for the fantastic critique, I loved the Futurama reference.

I think I'll try a triplet version of the Bass tapping so the "feel" isn't lost.
There is no clean guitar at bar 19... It was inspired by the parallel minor section in Only Ash Remain by Necrophagist. You should know it. Do you use Tux Guitar? I know I had this one play through a friends GP6 and it screwed up the entire piece completely (Change some harmonies even).
You can trust me that I know my theory inwards and outwards. Everything I compose is very thorough and considered from every angle (Harmony, rhythm, articulation etc). I'm still laughing at the Futurama reference BTW. Besides, a lack of theory could mean the difference between an idea or no idea, a great song or average song etc, etc.
That said, I love it when I hear a modulation to Phrygian Dominant at/near a climax because it feels so energetic and depending on how its used can convey several meanings.
You can blame Jeff Loomis for the tapping. I think that one was inspired by "The River Dragon Has Come" which has plenty of tapping and diminished/chromatic arpeggioes.
As far as diatonic 3rd harmonisation at bar 82, the guitars will be panned in opposite direction in order to create clarity.
The ending isn't supposed to sound complete (So I'm glad you said what you said). There's a good chance that this will either be the midway (5th track) or opener on the album.

Thanks again for the phenomenal critique, I really do appreciate it.

I still have to try the modulation at the end suggested by whalepudding but otherwise everything has been updated in accordance to what I've just stated. You can check the first post for the updated version.
Last edited by HaydenHohns at Jan 21, 2012,