#1
I've been writing songs forever. Quite literally, I popped out with a pen and pad while working on an album called "In Utero". Of course, Kurt Cobain happened to be spending the night in the hospital and stole it from me.... Oh well.
All horrible jokes aside, I've shared my album with many people and have gotten mostly comments like "I like the guitar work" or "I like the drum work". I'd really like someone to take the time to listen to the lyrics of maybe even one song and tell me what they like, don't like, ect?
The songs I feel I wrote best are "Sidelines", "Rebels", "Comet", "Falling Skies" and "Burn". If you could take the time to listen to even one of them and tell me what you think of the songwriting, that would be quite nice and would be REALLY appreciated. I wouldn't mind having a listen to anyone else's work as well. Take care, and if you'd like me to post any lyrics, just lemme know!

Album is in signature, tracks can be downloaded for free!
#3
One man's opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

So I started listening, with low expectations. And I was like "wow, this was pretty good," on the first instrumental track, and then the intro to sidelines.

It sounds fairly derivative in a post-U2 kinda way, but good as far as that goes.

But then you start singing. And honestly, it sounds like you haven't worked on your voice, so you're trying to hide your lack of technical chops with artifice. You need to work on your singing. I'm not saying it sounds bad, but it sounds sloppy in a bad way, and I think vocal training will help you gain the confidence to really get out there and shine with it. As it is, not only does it sound sloppy (like you couldn't be tight even if you wanted to - there's a difference between sloppy and loose) but you're burying it behind attitude and effects.

That compounds the worst songwriting failing, which is that some of the melodies sound vague. Sidelines has this problem bad. Comet does, too. Rebel is better, but it still begs the question: where's the hook? There are moments in Rebel and Falling Skies that feel like they ALMOST have a hook. Some of this stuff is so muffled and laconic that it reminds me of Mazzy Star, but it's worth looking at the difference between good Mazzy Star and bad Mazzy Star: Fade Into You has a hook.

You need hooks. Musical themes. Melodic ideas. Put it like this: if you played your vocal lines on your guitar, they'd be really really boring. Where's the part of the melody that a listener can sink their teeth into, Bono calling out, "In the naaaaaaame of love," or Kurt Cobain "Hey - Wait - I got a new complaint."

I think working on your singing will help you appreciate this aspect of music more, and help you write more hooks. Because that's what these songs are missing. It's one of the hardest things to write, but also the most important.

Good luck.
#4
As said above: Instrumentals are way better than expected, but the vocals aren't quite so good.
You seem to focus way too hard on your pitch, rather than the sound of your voice. It sounds dull, like you don't feel the music while singing. There is little empathy in your voice that everyone is aware of, and that makes the songs hard to empathy with. One of the key things when people say a song is good, is because they can identify themselves with it, can empathy with it.
What has been said to me once to train that part: put on some music you know you can sing completely, turn the volume up and sing. You won't hear your own voice that loud anymore, thus you cannot focus yourself anymore on your pitch. Instead you'll need to focus on how you sing it.

Hope I could help!


p.s.: the reversed track was awesome!
lalala
#5
Quote by HotspurJr
One man's opinion. Take it for what it's worth.

So I started listening, with low expectations. And I was like "wow, this was pretty good," on the first instrumental track, and then the intro to sidelines.

It sounds fairly derivative in a post-U2 kinda way, but good as far as that goes.

But then you start singing. And honestly, it sounds like you haven't worked on your voice, so you're trying to hide your lack of technical chops with artifice. You need to work on your singing. I'm not saying it sounds bad, but it sounds sloppy in a bad way, and I think vocal training will help you gain the confidence to really get out there and shine with it. As it is, not only does it sound sloppy (like you couldn't be tight even if you wanted to - there's a difference between sloppy and loose) but you're burying it behind attitude and effects.

That compounds the worst songwriting failing, which is that some of the melodies sound vague. Sidelines has this problem bad. Comet does, too. Rebel is better, but it still begs the question: where's the hook? There are moments in Rebel and Falling Skies that feel like they ALMOST have a hook. Some of this stuff is so muffled and laconic that it reminds me of Mazzy Star, but it's worth looking at the difference between good Mazzy Star and bad Mazzy Star: Fade Into You has a hook.

You need hooks. Musical themes. Melodic ideas. Put it like this: if you played your vocal lines on your guitar, they'd be really really boring. Where's the part of the melody that a listener can sink their teeth into, Bono calling out, "In the naaaaaaame of love," or Kurt Cobain "Hey - Wait - I got a new complaint."

I think working on your singing will help you appreciate this aspect of music more, and help you write more hooks. Because that's what these songs are missing. It's one of the hardest things to write, but also the most important.

Good luck.


This guy said it perfectly
#6
I like it, yeah the vocals need work and I think you know it too - having shoved them into the back of the mix.

You know though, I reckon it's nearly pulled off. Yes, the vocals are out of tune at many parts but I think my fondness for Joseph Arthur is putting my view of this album in a positive light http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkrX0qd9IMw
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
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