Got in the mood to write something new after all this recording, came up with this in the last few hours. Vocals should fit on top quite nicely when I write them, especially for the chorus. Oh and I got kinda lazy with adding the delay effect on the clean bit in the pre-verse, but there will be delay on that when I record it.

Btw, the song isn't finished yet, still working on it.

EDIT: Done a bit more, v2
rock 243.gp5
rock 243 v2.gp5
Last edited by Seb1uk at Jan 14, 2012,
this was pretty cool. the actual song would be awesome

My gear is not worth mentioning.
Hey man, always looking forward to hearing your pieces. This ones pretty interesting- after the first listen to be honest I really didn't like it but I think its starting to grow on me. I think that right now its a cool WIP, but needs lots of work if you want it to be like a full song.

Intro - The "melody" that guitar I plays is......really weird. I think if you mess with some of the notes in measures 1-2 it might come out to be more of a hook-sounding riff, if thats what youre going for. I feel like it just kind of messes with the momentum of the song and makes it hard for the listener to follow. I really like how you put in a 5/4 mesure at 4 and 12, they sound great. I see what youre going for with the 7/8 measures but it makes the song stumble. I think it would sound cooler if they were in 8/4 and there was a 4th low C inbetween C1 and Eb2 to round it out (hopefully that makes sense lol). Measure 8 sounds really awesome but again it seems like theres some "wrong" notes in there...measure 15 is genius! Although in 16 i could definitely do without those 9-10-10 chords.

Pre-Verse- kind of random for the first 4 bars. Maybe if you had a simple bass part or some synth pads holding it down the guitar parts would fit better. My main complaint with this section is that all 3 guitars come in at measure 25 playing their parts....and keep playing the same type stuff until the Pre-Chorus. I really like the individual parts, but maybe you could try staggering when each one comes in (like track 4 comes in first, then 4 measures later track 1 fades in, then the melody on track 2, etc) that would help layer the verse nicely.

Pre-Chorus- pretty standard pHc stuff, I like the chord progression and the drums complement the guitars perfectly. perhaps over the last few measures before the chorus starts you could throw in some extra wankery on the guitar? Maybe like a sweep or a run that goes into a higher register...

Chorus- perfect. nice uplifting chords and melodies, complicated, yet still pretty simple. Singing is REALLY going to define this part, though, so make sure the lyrics and melodies are top-notch XD

....and then the song ends? I would think it needs at least another go through of the verse and chorus to be a 'complete' song. Either way I was kind of sad when it ended, there's a lot of ideas in here and you could definitely expand the song in many different ways. Its not a cookie cutter song for the genre, thank god, but there are some places where it seems cluttured and somewhat confusing and it needs repetition of some of the riffs to be a "full song". Also for this genre the lyrics are really going to make or break the song keep that in mind.

6/10, there were a few things that didnt sound great/needed slight tweaks and then they should be fine. Its not complete yet and I'd like to hear it when it is
Korg Krome 61
Roland KR-5
Cheers guys.

Flounder: I kinda forgot to mention the song's not finished yet haha. The 'WIP' in the title is meant to stand for 'Work In Progress', but I don't think anyone's ever picked up on that when I put that in the title haha. But thanks for the in-depth crit.

But yeah, about the intro, I was wondering if people were gonna be able to feel it in the same way I did, like, the 7/8 bar was completely unintentional, it just flowed in my head like that, and the melody worked in my head as well, but I realise it's kinda odd. So yeah I should play around with that, I'll have to look carefully to figure out what you meant with the suggestion of a 4th low C because my theory's pretty poor, it's just gonna take me a minute to find the chords you're on about. Although I'll probably get rid of the 9-10-10 chords.

I'm planning on writing the bass part soon, which should hopefully help the pre-verse. I'll try the staggered entries thing too though because I can imagine that working quite well.

Yeah haha the pre-chorus is where my usual writing kicks back in, although I always try to keep it different. I wanted to make the guitar go high just before the chorus, but I was just being lazy and haven't done it yet.

Definitely agree on singing being the defining feature of the chorus though, just gotta hope I do it right!

I've written a bit more and I'm not sure about the direction to take :/ You mind taking a look at v2 and telling me what you think? I dunno whether to keep the clean break or just carry on from the chorus with overdriven guitars. And I don't know if I like the clean interlude yet either.
some ideas.... i did a slight tweak to the 7/8 part so see if that sounds better to you. Also i worked on the arrangement for the 2nd half of the song see if you like it. I think you have more than enough material for a whole song as of now, its just a question of how you want to arrange it

also... c4c when u get the chance?

Korg Krome 61
Roland KR-5
Last edited by ~Flounder~ at Jan 14, 2012,
Thanks for that man, the thing is, I still prefer the 7/8 part the way it is, I dunno, it just feels more correct in my head. As for the structure you've done, yeah I plan on doing pretty much that exactly, except with a distorted interlude after the clean bit as I don't wanna go back to the pre-chorus already. But yeah cheers.
Well that Intro was weird as shit.
Really liked it though, the 5/4 and 7/8 flowed beautifully.
Really liked the Rhythm in the verse, the ambient guitar and leads added a really creepy feel to it which was cool.
The prechorus is much more conventional, as is the chorus. But they sound nice and the interesting rhythms keep them from sounding boring.
The clean interlude and distorted section were nice, keep the song going well but were nothing special. I'd like to hear more, it was shaping up nicely.
C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1514828
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
Leave a link and I'll return a crit

I really liked this.

With that said... I couldn't stand this the first time I listened to it... I had to pan everything and listen a couple of times. Panning it also really really helped when both guitars were playing chords.

There's a few times throughout that there's more dissonance than other times.. Obviously this is musical.. But I bring it up because I noticed sometimes it's because on thing stayed the same while others changed, so I didn't know if it was intentional (also because most of the song is melodic and consonant).

The e-B-e-B string pattern (i.e. track 5 during clean interlude) got very on my nerves.. Each time it happened it went on forever, and was the same thing the whole time. The whole letting it ring out thing became overpowering in a few parts too (made sound muddy and covered other tracks some).

I LOVED the distorted interlude. Almost everyone just uses dissonance in a section like that.. The fact that it was so consonant and beautiful not only surprised me but actually sounded very nice.

Last thing... (Dunno if you've already added on, but..) I had the loop on when I listened to it the 3rd time.. It didn't sound that bad when it jumped to the intro again.. Obviously I wouldn't just copy paste the intro there, but some people like reusing riffs and if you used a modified version of the intro it may work. *shrug*

Good work, mate.
If you feel so inclined, here's a link to my newest:
Cheers guys. I think the vocals are really gonna make the chorus, but I'll write the rest of the song first. And as for the interludes, I think I'm gonna re-write the clean part or something because it feels only alright, and I wanna make it special.