#1
I am 17 and I have never met my father. I live with my Mum, step-dad (whom i refer to as dad) and half brother. 2 days ago i told my mum i wanted to get in contact with my real father. So today, she rang him up, had a lengthy conversation, in which he said he wanted to get in contact with me and he regrets not being part of my life. I have his phone number in front of me, and it's the strangest, most nerve-wracking situation i've ever been in.

I was wondering how many other people don't know their key relatives, and if anyone has ever got into contact with their long-lost relatives. If so, what was it like. Maybe you don't want to contact them, in which case, why not?
¡sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ suɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ʎluo

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Quote by Kensai
That's a purdy mouth you got there, zelestros. Why don't we make good use of that in other ways...
#2
Never known my real dad.
Don't want to.
Don't give a shit.

Mother doesn't even know where he is/what he's doing etc and hasn't for a long time.
#3
Quote by SkepsisMetal
Never known my real dad.
Don't want to.
Don't give a shit.

Mother doesn't even know where he is/what he's doing etc and hasn't for a long time.

Fair enough :L Is there no curiosity at all, or do your feelings towards him over-weigh any curiosity? Any particular reason you don't want to or is it just that you don't care?
¡sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ suɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ʎluo

E-married to danny the fish



Quote by Kensai
That's a purdy mouth you got there, zelestros. Why don't we make good use of that in other ways...
#4

He left before I was born, and that was over 20 years ago so I guess it's just apathy really. I've never been that close with my immediate family, so I don't feel a need to seek him out.
#5
I met my paternal father once when I was about one and a half, and haven't seen him since. I don't even remember it, obviously.

My step-father was a horrible person, and I haven't spoken to him in years.

I'm pretty satisfied not knowing either of them, if I'm honest. As far as curiosity goes, no. I don't really care or have feelings towards the man at all, outside of not understanding how you can ditch your own child. I wouldn't miss the time I spend with the little ones for anything.
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#6
So your 17....Your mum has been in contact with him since you were born...And he has never tried to get in contact with you before YOU made the first move? He sounds like a douche to be fair.

However, if you really want to meet him just do it. You only live once.

I smell an apology guitar coming your way.
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#7
a good friend of mine is adopted, and also has the choice to contact his biological father and mother. however he doesn't give a ****. he said his real dad's ballsack cared for him for mostly a few days, while his true dad took care of him for 19 years.

you get my point. also, please tell your (step-)dad he just recieved loads of RESPECT from belgium. it must have been hard for him knowing the woman he loved was filled up by someone else, and yet he sticked with her, and with you. i could not do this to be honest
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Last edited by vince1991 at Jan 18, 2012,
#8
Quote by ##_Guitar-newb
So your 17....Your mum has been in contact with him since you were born...And he has never tried to get in contact with you before YOU made the first move? He sounds like a douche to be fair.

However, if you really want to meet him just do it. You only live once.

I smell an apology guitar coming your way.

No no, she wasn't in contact with him. She got his details after a lengthy internet search. they have not spoken since i was a baby. I understand where you're coming from, his defense to my mum was that he didn't want to up-heave my life. He didn't know my situation and whether i wanted to meet him, nor what effect that would have on my and my family. He said he regrets not being part of my life, and he wants to be in contact with me, and my mum said he sounded very sincere.

I am already planning to do it, this was more to spark discussion.

LOL, i've already promised myself i'm not going to accept bribes.


Quote by vince1991
a good friend of mine is adopted, and also has the choice to contact his biological father and mother. however he doesn't give a ****. he said his real dad's ballsack cared for him for mostly a few days, while his true dad took care of him for 19 years.

you get my point. also, please tell your (step-)dad he just recieved loads of RESPECT from belgium. it must have been hard for him knowing the woman he loved was filled up by someone else, and yet he sticked with her, and with you. i could not do this to be honest

I don't really get on with my step-dad, but i do respect him for being there for me. I definitely respect him more than my father.

Finding my father is however very important to me. And i'm not one to hold a grudge. the man made his mistake, and now wants to correct that. It takes balls to admit you were wrong, especially with something big like this.
¡sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ suɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ʎluo

E-married to danny the fish



Quote by Kensai
That's a purdy mouth you got there, zelestros. Why don't we make good use of that in other ways...
Last edited by myevilside at Jan 18, 2012,
#9
i kind of understand you. good luck man. just don't forget to talk about it with your step-dad alright? even if you don't get along with him. i can't imagine him not feeling weird when you contact your real dad.

good luck
Quote by psyks
You are filthy.
#10
Quote by vince1991
i kind of understand you. good luck man. just don't forget to talk about it with your step-dad alright? even if you don't get along with him. i can't imagine him not feeling weird when you contact your real dad.

good luck

Thankyou He already knows about it. I told my parents before i did anything at all in terms of searching for him (in fact, it was my mum who did most of the searching).
¡sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ suɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ʎluo

E-married to danny the fish



Quote by Kensai
That's a purdy mouth you got there, zelestros. Why don't we make good use of that in other ways...
#11
I understand not liking your step dad but respecting him. My step dad annoys the **** out of me and mostly drives me crazy. But he's never been intentionally malicious to me and never tried to be my dad. I don't like him but I do respect him.

That may be because my real dad lives like 5 minutes away from my mom so I saw my step dad as intruding on my life kind of.
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#12
Update: I've called my father up, and arranged to meet him this saturday. He kept saying how happy he was that i got in contact with him. He was obviously making an effort to make me happy and make things easier for me. He seems like a really nice guy
¡sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ suɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ʎluo

E-married to danny the fish



Quote by Kensai
That's a purdy mouth you got there, zelestros. Why don't we make good use of that in other ways...
#13
Quote by myevilside
Update: I've called my father up, and arranged to meet him this saturday. He kept saying how happy he was that i got in contact with him. He was obviously making an effort to make me happy and make things easier for me. He seems like a really nice guy


Aw man congrats! That sounds awesome! Let us know how it turns out
#14
I was in the same situation as you TS a few years ago, when I was 16. My Mum and Dad split up when I was about 3. I always asked about my Dad, but my Mum said it's best I didn't at the time, but when I was 16, I could do whatever I like. So, when I was 16, I told my Mum I wanted to see him.

It was a very scary and difficult thing to do. We didn't know each other. It was basically pulling a guy out the blue and saying "hey, this randomer is your Dad". It could have been anyone.

My Dad was just as scared, but just as eager to meet up. But he thought I was gunna knock him out for not being there for me.

It's a hard thing to do, but the man is your Dad. My Dad did some things to my Mum that I am not going to talk about, he was a horrible man. But that was a long time ago. People change. He is a brilliant person now and is a changed man. Him and my Mum get on very well now.

Also, my Step Dad was a dick about me having anything to do with my real dad. Partly because they hate each other because my Dad wasn't the best person towards my Mum, so naturally, my Step Dad is gunna have a grudge. My Dad said to my Step Dad if he ever tries to stop contact if I wanted it, he would put a knife in my Step Dad's neck...

Anyway, my Step Dad cheated on my Mum with her best friend so he can go and fuck himself. I have nothing to do with him and neither does my Mum.
Last edited by WholeLottaIzzy at Jan 19, 2012,
#15
Sounds similar to me, but with more violence and my step-dad hasn't cheated on my mum> But even my mum said she thinks my father's changed, so hopefully it'll all go well.
¡sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ suɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ʎluo

E-married to danny the fish



Quote by Kensai
That's a purdy mouth you got there, zelestros. Why don't we make good use of that in other ways...
#16
I know, and know of, a couple of people who have kids and won't ever get to see them unless the kids decide they want to when they're grown up.

That said, there are some pretty bad people around, who never really change.

It's probably still worth meeting up though.
#17
Quote by myevilside
Sounds similar to me, but with more violence and my step-dad hasn't cheated on my mum> But even my mum said she thinks my father's changed, so hopefully it'll all go well.

I was just making a point of whoever your Dad was back then, and whatever he might have done, that's easily long enough amount of time for him to be a different person now.

But I hope it goes well for you. It's an interesting experience.

I found it very difficult to call my Dad "Dad" for quite a while. It was weird and I wasn't really comfortable with it. I never called my Step Dad Dad. I am a very confident and social person but I found it hard to even make conversation with my Dad, despite there being so much to catch up on. But that's all different now.