#1
Here I am again
This quite room of mine
These four walls are
The corners of my mind

If i make it through
The darkness of tonight
Then I might see
The brightness in your heart

If you give me just
An hour of your time
Then I give to you
The time of my life
And until that hour
Has come and pass me by
I'll be sat right here
In the corners of my mind

But until that day
That I see the light
I have to contend with
The judgement in you eyes

Even if I could
Pass the sands of time
I'm not certain to
Succeed in finding time

If you give me just
An hour of your time
Then I give to you
The time of my life
And until that hour
Has come and passed me by
I'll be sat right here
In the corners of my mine

J.Savage
Originally Posted by Duff_McGee
Everyone knows that the day the Metallica ends, the world ends.


I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

No one dies as a virgin. Life f**ks us all
#2
I want to start off by saying that i really like this. I think the concept of the "corners of my mind" can be kind of cliche and contrived at times, but I think you used it well, for the most part. At the beginning when you say "these four walls the corners of my mind" i think that you could expand on that more. Like, how your room and the corners of your mind coincide. It's also "quiet" but the little technical things like that i'm sure you'd find for yourself with a quick review. I really love the "hour of your time/time of my life" part. I think that's really a clever and unique way to phrase it. There are also a few places where the wording is a little strange,
"Has come and pass me by
I'll be sat right here
In the corners of my mind"
In my mind, i think it should be "Has come and passed me by" and also "I'll sit right here" or "I will have sat right here" something along those lines.
I hope this helped at least a little bit.
#3
Quote by GoodVibrations
I want to start off by saying that i really like this. I think the concept of the "corners of my mind" can be kind of cliche and contrived at times, but I think you used it well, for the most part. At the beginning when you say "these four walls the corners of my mind" i think that you could expand on that more. Like, how your room and the corners of your mind coincide. It's also "quiet" but the little technical things like that i'm sure you'd find for yourself with a quick review. I really love the "hour of your time/time of my life" part. I think that's really a clever and unique way to phrase it. There are also a few places where the wording is a little strange,
"Has come and pass me by
I'll be sat right here
In the corners of my mind"
In my mind, i think it should be "Has come and passed me by" and also "I'll sit right here" or "I will have sat right here" something along those lines.
I hope this helped at least a little bit.


Thanks man did out a redraft with some of the reworkings you mentioned.
Originally Posted by Duff_McGee
Everyone knows that the day the Metallica ends, the world ends.


I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

No one dies as a virgin. Life f**ks us all