#1
since ive been up for 19 hours
thoughts circle around the wind turbine
calculating the distance i traveled here
near 10 hours an counting
til the earth rotates around the sun
i need humor in this dogmatic state of insanity

the grand essential comedy played over the air
with a creepy face of julia roberts floating through the heavens
set in the age of diplomacy i altered the need of romance
oh heartful thoughts consume through my thought process
felt a burning sensation for a moment
as it flushed my soft cheeks turning into an amber color

daily ive been able to control the emotion
and listening to organic plants grow comfortably
deep in solitude as the mist touches my reaches
trying to remain silent though the trying months
passing days remain the same with uncertainity

although if i let it grow
obbession may set inside
causing a lung to collapse
an over analyzing the situation
may cause the earth to shake


end
#2
Some really interesting images, like the julia roberts one. 'Grand essential comedy' is an effective line.
Criticisms would include 'oh heartful thoughts consume through my thought process'. You don't need to say thought twice in this line, and through looks visually too similar to thought as well.
I also liked how it just stated the ending so bluntly, was effective. Thanks for checking my piece out!
#4
I really enjoyed the tone of this piece. It has a very Pink Floyd type vibe to it, in that it seems to be about someone on the brink of insanity. I think this piece could really benefit from some punctuation. It would give it better pacing I believe. Also there are a couple misspellings. If I had to nitpick one thing it would be the use "organic plants." I mean there is no need to tell us that plants are organic. It's kind of redundant. Anyways, nice job, man.

Crit mine please
Triumvirate of Time