#1

Despite being broken
the bond
will never be lost.
She will still look up to you,
from the sanctuary she rests in,
where she’ll observe your everyday
and sing eternally,
not as an apparition but as a tangible chipping
embodying your very spirit. A new realm
the wings will bridge, from her heart to yours;
it’s a stronger grace
than reason will allow you to believe.

Her energy will resonate a familiar calm -
and like energy itself - nothing can be done
to stop its ascension, from one state to the next
(she can’t be destroyed.)

So stop roaming like a headless chicken
through the labyrinth known as space-time;
your love is boundless, after all.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Mar 1, 2012,
#2
"chipping" made me stumble. because i don't know that kind of image.
i think you'd get a nicer read if you changed "that embodies" to "embodying", the -ing sound keeping the flow in tact.
sentimentally, i liked it. you explained everything in a good way, in a kind of gentle reassurance.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#3
Quote by Bleed Away

Despite being broken
the bond
will never be lost.
this pulled me in from the start because it has strong feeling
She will still look up to you,
from the sanctuary she rests in,
where she’ll observe your everyday
and sing eternally,
not as an apparition but as a tangible chipping
that embodies your very spirit. A new realm
the wings will bridge, from her heart to yours;
it’s a stronger grace
than reason will allow you to believe.

Her energy will resonate a familiar calm -
this is my favorite line of the piece,

and like energy itself - nothing can be done
to stop its ascension, from one state to the next
(she can’t be destroyed.)

feel like these lines would be good in a song

So stop roaming like a headless chicken
this is the only line of the piece i dont like. it seems childish.
through the labyrinth known as space-time;
your love is boundless, after all.
good ending,


over all i like it. it was strong and you did a good job
#4
Thank you very much for reading guys.

Cobrevolution, I have now changed it from ""that embodies" to "embodying"
#5
I enjoyed this, like much of your more recent pieces.

I agree with Cobra about the "chipping" bit.

Veddy nice.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
I really liked this. Just thought I'd let you know I copy and pasted this so I could send it to a female friend.
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."
#7
Quote by Toadvine
I really liked this. Just thought I'd let you know I copy and pasted this so I could send it to a female friend.


Haha, I'm honoured