#1
We were having a band rehearsal one day when we thought our bassist left to go to the bathroom. Me and my guitarist started cracking some jokes about him. (we do that to everyone, we all get a good laugh out of it, it was nothing personal) We then realized that he was hiding in the corner.

Yes, hiding in the corner.

He got mad, but we resolved it and finished rehearsing. Ever since, he has been avoiding us and not coming to rehearsals. The other day, he brought it up again and I apologized and said if it hurt him, I wouldn't do it anymore, but he said there was "nothing to be sorry about".

He really has no creative input on the band and is just there to play. I was debating firing him, but we'd never find a bassist as good as him again.

I understand that I sound like the bad guy, and I am. Which is why me and my guitarist apologized. However there has always been a problem where he couldn't take a joke from anyone and had no sense of sarcasm. It always got on my nerves. My perspective is that he shouldn't have destroyed a good friendship over a joke.

On top of all that, he still refused our apologies. I'm confused on what to do now. Help me out?
#2
Either find a way to make it up to him, or find a new bassist.
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#3
Buy him flowers
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#5
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if you're homophobic, that may well be the issue at hand.
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#7
Sheesh man, take him down to a bar or your back porch and have a few beers together. He needs to learn to grow thicker skin too. And how to fire back insults/sarcasm as well. It's part of being social.

What was your reason for wanting to ditch him prior? Are you asking him for creative input and he doesn't feel inspired to offer any?
#8
Quote by BlackVoid
Sheesh man, take him down to a bar or your back porch and have a few beers together. He needs to learn to grow thicker skin too. And how to fire back insults/sarcasm as well. It's part of being social.

What was your reason for wanting to ditch him prior? Are you asking him for creative input and he doesn't feel inspired to offer any?


No, we really don't mind that he has no input, but I'm just saying we wouldn't die as a band if we lost him.

Also, underage.
#9
Quote by gateway01
My perspective is that he shouldn't have destroyed a good friendship over a joke.


A more reasonable perspective is that you shouldn't have destroyed the friendship by making "jokes" about him that he didn't find funny.

You saw you apologized about it, but it sounds to me like a pretty shabby apology. Like the sort of thing you said to paper things over but didn't really mean.

Here's the thing about jokes: they're supposed to be funny. Now, maybe this guy is pretty thin skinned, it's possible. On the other hand, I can't help but notice that you were making these jokes when you thought he was out of the room.

In other words, you felt they were inappropriate for his company, they're grounded in some reality that he is not likely to find funny.

In other words, from his perspective, it doesn't sound like you we "cracking jokes about him," but rather like you were talking shit about him and being an all-around a-hole. From the rest of your comments, it sounds like you don't really enjoy his company ... rather, you tolerate his company because he's a really good bassist.

Which is to say, if I was in his position, I wouldn't want to play with you either.
#10
Quote by gateway01
No, we really don't mind that he has no input, but I'm just saying we wouldn't die as a band if we lost him.

Also, underage.

I'm pretty sure everyone would tell by the OP. This is so petty. Tell him to grow a pair and get over it or he's out.

Unless you're an angsty emo band, in which case his oversensitiveness and crybaby-ness would be a great asset to your image
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#11
From what I can see, you're a decent guy who just likes to joke around. Your bassist however definitely seems like he's got some kind of emotional problem.

He might just need someone to talk to. Make him know you're there for him to talk things out with. It's probable he wont want to talk at first, but give him some space and let him know that he can talk to you.

Chances are he'll tell you about some issue, and possibly him just talking it through with you will clear the air, and even form a closer bond. This bond can even increase his input to the band - You work better with people you feel better with.
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#12
A major part of being in a band is getting along with eachother. If you can't do that, you shouldn't be in a band together.

It would be interesting to hear his side of things, whether he was actually offended into hiding by toilet jokes or whether he thought you guys were talking about something more serious.

It may be that he has a "thin skin" so to speak, and is easily offended. You can take this opportunity to not offend him. Pretty simple. It's called interpersonal skills, and by identifying the limits you can get along with anyone. Of course this is entirely up to you as to whether you can go through your life without insulting the guy.
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#13
I can't help but wonder if he was "hiding" in the corner because he felt like you guys were talking shit about him, not respecting him, etc ... and you proved his fears right.
#14
If you're in a band with someone who doesn't really fit with the rest of your group, it really creates an awkward situation that's no good for anyone. If there's already awkwardness, I'd say just cut your losses and find a new bass player. You're not gonna want to have this guy around if the rest of you like to bust each others' balls and joke around, and you feel like you have to be careful what you say around him. I had a string of bass players that didn't fit in with my last band, and none of them were asked to come back. It's even less of an issue if he has no input in songwriting. You can surely find someone else to be your bass-bot.
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#15
Honestly, in my opinion, he's bound to get kicked out or quit eventually. The previous drummer in my band was alot like this, and he eventually quit because he didn't feel a connection with us. If you keep this bassist, he will hinder any success that you get, because he will always be a sense of tension. I'd say to KINDLY let him go from the band. You'd hate to have him quit when you really need him!