#1
(unfinished)

gloria, green-eyed giant, questioned her name
after she realized she didnt have enough pills in the bottle.

flicking wintermint gum with her tongue
she chewed the cap of her pen
plastic falling like a

heart underneath her floorboards
was just her married neighbors below mid-morning
love taps at her bathroom door
and her razor's floats absentmindedly towards
#2
Is "plastic falling/like a heart underneath her floorboards" an allusion to Poe's "Tell-Tale Heart"?
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#3
yeah, should i make it more explicit? i had it pretty explicit but then i was like "damn, thats too explicit dawg, change that ish" and so i changed it but now i'm not sure the meaning is there
#4
I think you did a ver good job on this Dylan. You managed to capture the ambience very well in so few words. What I mean is that in those three stanzas you manage to play with the reader very nicely. Bringing him up and down towards the end. "Gloria, green eyed giant, questioned her name". In that line you tell us so much about gloria and you've only needed six or seven words. It's also a very nice piece to read aloud. The last stanza is really pleasing in that aspect.


I thoroughly enjoyed this. Good job.
#5
You can hurt me if you
don't even try
I'm sensitive in places
that don't make others cry
Words have inflicted upon
me these wounds
They've healed some...
but sometimes they've
re-open by you
I'll listen to you when you
tell me how?
How not, and how to?
so we make it now
Respecting your person,
I'll try to be real
Sensitive to my words,
and how you would feel?
Color me crazy,
or paint me dark blue
Challenge my reason
for not staying true
Exit all balance,
and enter my mind
Give it a whirl,
and see what you find