#1
Well,guys it is supposed be a funny song. i worked for a long time at this songs,but it is not the final version. I used some folkish influences,but i thing it need some strings or choir to make it more melodious. so tell me what do you think about this song.

C4C! any suggestion or help is welcome!
Attachments:
Beer,beer,you're my fear.gp5
#2
Okay you have a good idea here, but the acoustic intro is a bit boring. Switch up the rhythm a bit and you'll grab my attention way easier. The build up to verse 1 is hilarious, keep that. Verse 1 is a bit boring too because it's repeated sooooo much and it doesn't really bring anything new to the table. Switch up the rhythms a bit with tuplets and stuff and it'll make a huge difference. Maybe put in a third guitar which leads it up a bit? I really do enjoy the

The chorus was not really grabbing me neither. The lead guitar does some boring, choppy quarters and the melody just sounds real off. At the second verse you can even add a breakdown, because it'll switch things up and make the listener think "whoa what happened." Otherwise it'll be like listening to the Skrillex discography.

The build-up together with the 3rd verse and solo are the greatest parts of your song at the moment, but you need to fix up what comes before it because otherwise you won't even get there without changing the song on your iPod.

Sorry if I sound a little harsh, but I really think you have a good idea, it's just executed a bit sloppily.

C4C?: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1513616
#3
Quote by Radman_Paiza
Okay you have a good idea here, but the acoustic intro is a bit boring. Switch up the rhythm a bit and you'll grab my attention way easier. The build up to verse 1 is hilarious, keep that. Verse 1 is a bit boring too because it's repeated sooooo much and it doesn't really bring anything new to the table. Switch up the rhythms a bit with tuplets and stuff and it'll make a huge difference. Maybe put in a third guitar which leads it up a bit? I really do enjoy the

The chorus was not really grabbing me neither. The lead guitar does some boring, choppy quarters and the melody just sounds real off. At the second verse you can even add a breakdown, because it'll switch things up and make the listener think "whoa what happened." Otherwise it'll be like listening to the Skrillex discography.

The build-up together with the 3rd verse and solo are the greatest parts of your song at the moment, but you need to fix up what comes before it because otherwise you won't even get there without changing the song on your iPod.

Sorry if I sound a little harsh, but I really think you have a good idea, it's just executed a bit sloppily.

C4C?: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1513616



maybe some keys or string will make it more interesting? what do you think?
#4
If you do some cool licks or switch up the rhythm in the riff for a bar it would make a huge difference, so I'd say find a way to variate your main riffs so they become more recyclable before you add strings and keys.
#5
Quote by Radman_Paiza
If you do some cool licks or switch up the rhythm in the riff for a bar it would make a huge difference, so I'd say find a way to variate your main riffs so they become more recyclable before you add strings and keys.


can you make me an example,please?
#7
To be honest this is very boring.. Intro is too simple to raise any feelings while listening. Also verse riffs have no balls and chorus is out of groove. Also build up is kinda out from nowhere.

And my idea was not to be mean or anything. The basic idea is nice, you got to work more for all instruments to make it more groovy. You should think about really throwing intro away.. Chorus is too depressive and out from groove.. Blast beat on drums and slight diffrence with lead and rhythm guitars would maybe fix the broblem.
#8
Just wanted to remind you of the definition of C4C since you seem to have forgotten it.
#10
You asked me to return a critique on this song, and I'd love to oblige, but when I open you song it gives me the good ole "Please update your guitar pro" thing. I'm sorry dude... really would like to return your critique.. -_-

I did buy GP6 but they still haven't got back to me, the program won't run.. so I'm stuck with my original GP5 version.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience mate.. :/
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#11
Quote by DragTheWaters11
You asked me to return a critique on this song, and I'd love to oblige, but when I open you song it gives me the good ole "Please update your guitar pro" thing. I'm sorry dude... really would like to return your critique.. -_-

I did buy GP6 but they still haven't got back to me, the program won't run.. so I'm stuck with my original GP5 version.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience mate.. :/


i will give you the midi file .
Attachments:
Beer,beer,you're my fear.mid
#12
Ok, when I listen to this, I feel there are no issues with melodies/dissonance etc. On the other hand, it also seems to be quite simple, and there isn't much variance in the rhythms - it's all galloping power chords and metronomic notes (does that make sense?). As a basis for a song it seems fine. The solo, is a bit more interesting but I'd hesitate calling it a solo, as it doesn't seem to progress much and it repeats itself.

If this is a rough draft, then I'd be more interested to see how it develops further. I might also add that I liked the acoustic melody (simplicity aside) although, the transition may need further attention. I'll keep an eye out for any updates you make to this.

C4C, Please?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1516733
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Last edited by Emperor's Child at Feb 4, 2012,
#13
as im listening

Nice mellow intro , LOVE the verse as it comes in , fast and heavy.

Chorus is unfortenatly ( yes my enlgish grammar sux i know ) very bad , very anti climatic after the nice and fast verse , and just wrong on every level imo , i suggest you redo it

Build up is ok not very interesting , Verse 3 is better i cinda like that.

Solo is not really a solo but just a repeating melody

all in all its ok , it doesnt feel complete at all but just like a few random sections wich some of dont go together very well , it has a lot of potential but it doesnt really shine right now.

i know im cinda harsh but the only way to get better at writing is to be critical towards it it and allways trying to raise the bar , now i dont know how long you have been writing so if your cinda new to it its actually quite good , but you still have to learn alot imo wich is actually a good thing since it will grow into your own cind of style the more you write

6/10

Can you crit In Flanders Fields for me its in my sig , there is also an mp3 link if you dont have GP6