Poll: Should the woman's dad be asked for permission to marry?
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View poll results: Should the woman's dad be asked for permission to marry?
Yes
66 33%
No
111 56%
Undecided
22 11%
Voters: 199.
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#1
I was having this debate with a friend earlier and wanted to know The Pit's opinion. Do you think a man should ask permission from his fiancé's father for her hand in marriage?

Personally I think it's a bit too traditional and reminiscent of a time when women had less rights
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#2
Yes, we need to bring back those times.
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#3
No, I believe men should buy their wives from the father at a young age.
#4
It is only respectful. It has NOTHING to do with a woman's rights.
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#5
Quote by Trowzaa
Yes, we need to bring back those times.


Yes, I concur. No woman shall go out on a date with a gentleman without a chaperone!
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#6
Quote by Oblivion_Rps
It is only respectful. It has NOTHING to do with a woman's rights.


Yeah, on a serious note I'm with him. It isn't necessary, but it's respectful. It might be old tradition, but remember her father is an older generation and will appreciate the act.
#7
I had to do it, and I was nervous as HELL. I think it's a good tradition, but I don't know if I'd want to be asked if I had a daughter. Only time will tell I suppose
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#8
I don't think people *should* do it, but it's a sign of respect, and wouldn't hurt anything to do. I plan on asking, anyways, whenever that time comes.


inb4 perpetuating gender roles
#9
Quote by Oblivion_Rps
It is only respectful. It has NOTHING to do with a woman's rights.

I understand it being out of respect, but I think asking for blessings would be better. Asking permission makes it seem too much like handing over property or something
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Last edited by guitarist64 at Jan 29, 2012,
#10
I'm a bit old-fashioned so I say yes. It's respectful and I think it's a nice tradition.
#11
Quote by guitarist64
I understand it being out of respect, but I think asking for blessings would be better. Asking permission makes it seem too much like handing over cattle or something


Well how traditional would the wedding be?

Because the act of marriage involves the father 'giving away' the bride doesn't it? So surely if that is the case then you should be asking permission.
#12
All that crap only happens in movies.
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#14
Quote by a_7_x
Well how traditional would the wedding be?

Because the act of marriage involves the father 'giving away' the bride doesn't it? So surely if that is the case then you should be asking permission.


Well I think that's where it originates from. Women are more independent now though, so I don't think permission per say is necessary. I would ask for blessings though, just to please him and make him feel respected
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#17
Quote by Nameless742
All that crap only happens in movies.


No, I did it. My wife's dad is awesome and English though, so he gave me some drank and we talked about it

EDIT: Also, we were/are both young. She was 18 and I was 20, so he sure as **** better want to talk to me about it beforehand. It was more of a formality than anything else, but it was one that I like. Do I expect my daughter to not marry someone because he didn't ask my permission? No. Do I expect that person to be man enough to talk to me about it beforehand? Yep
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Last edited by Dreadnought at Jan 29, 2012,
#18
Depends.


If he'll say yes, then yes.

If there's any chance that he'll say no, then fuck him.
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#19
Nah. Sure, talk to him about if if you'd like, but he shouldn't be involved in the decision.
#20
You should do it just to see if he's cool with the idea. Personally if you like the girl you should marry her anyway if that's what you think, he's either going to say yes or no in the end, but times are different now so you can do whatever the hell you want.
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#23
I think you have a responsibility to let her parents know, but if they say no, screw 'em. Their daughter isn't their property like that.
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#24
i don't think you should ask permission, but maybe let them know.
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#26
Quote by Dreadnought
No, I did it. My wife's dad is awesome and English though, so he gave me some drank and we talked about it

EDIT: Also, we were/are both young. She was 18 and I was 20, so he sure as **** better want to talk to me about it beforehand. It was more of a formality than anything else, but it was one that I like. Do I expect my daughter to not marry someone because he didn't ask my permission? No. Do I expect that person to be man enough to talk to me about it beforehand? Yep



I think the possibility of the father saying no and me doing it anyway would be far more disrespectful than me not asking in the first place. Being "man enough" has nothing to do with it.
#27
Quote by Oblivion_Rps
It is only respectful. It has NOTHING to do with a woman's rights.

Respectful eh? It kinda sounds like you think fathers own their daughters or something.
#28
i personally think it would be an attempt to gain approval from her father just to create a better relationship between the parents and to give them an idea of how much you care about their daughter

personally if they said no i would carry on with the marriage and have a whole 'hey man, i asked you and you said no, but i love your daughter too much' kinda relationship with them

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#30
Quote by Macabre_Turtle
I think the possibility of the father saying no and me doing it anyway would be far more disrespectful than me not asking in the first place. Being "man enough" has nothing to do with it.


I think you're missing my point. The conversation generally isn't a legit plea for permission to marry, but that's rather a formality and introduction to the overall discussion of the wedding and marriage in general. It's a big topic to broach, but I think it's an important one for the parents to talk to the kids about.
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#31
Maybe I just don't see the point because my girlfriend's father is scum. Maybe I'd consider asking if the bride-to-be's father was worth developing a good relationship with.
#32
Quote by Ahteh
By the way, why the father and not the mother?

My guess is the sexism of the times when the tradition originated
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#33
Out of respect to the father, yes. However, I think his answer should have no influence at all on whether said guy decides to ask the question to his missus; unless father has a (very, very) valid reason for the answer being no.

In this day and age, I don't think it genrally matters too much, but it doesn't do any harm. Particularly if you, as I have, been told by the missus that should you ever want to ask her, her father likes things to be done "properly" etc.
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#35
If he's rich & we need to discuss his daughter's dowry or sumthin', then yeah.

If he's some lame middle class clown, then nah, to hell with him.
#37
I would, it's a sign of respect.

And most people I know who have done it, ask both the parents, not just the father. It's more of just letting them know, then actually asking for permission. They would have gone though with the marriage either way.

People are looking at it the wrong way


I guess this is what I'm trying to say
Quote by Ur all $h1t
Ask permission, Hell no. Talk to him about it before hand, but after I've asked his daughter? Yep, the guy deserves to be involved and informed, but I'm not going to ask for his permission as it's pointless, his Daughter is her own woman and I wouldn't insult someone by asking their permission for something we both know I'm going to do regardless of his answer.
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#38
I think its a formality/sign of respect that should be done, but shouldnt sway your decision to get married.
Better to be on good terms with your in-laws even if you dont ever see them.

If I ever have a daughter I would be more willing to give my blessings if the guy manned up and came to me, even if he and I didnt see eye to eye normally.
As long as he made my daughter happy and had the balls to come and talk to me about it, I could let any personality clashes slide.
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#39
Quote by a_7_x
Yeah, on a serious note I'm with him. It isn't necessary, but it's respectful. It might be old tradition, but remember her father is an older generation and will appreciate the act.

*Fathers from our generation*

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Dad: *On runescape* yeah I don't give a fuck
#40
Ask permission, Hell no. Talk to him about it before hand, but after I've asked his daughter? Yep, the guy deserves to be involved and informed, but I'm not going to ask for his permission as it's pointless, his Daughter is her own woman and I wouldn't insult someone by asking their permission for something we both know I'm going to do regardless of his answer.
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