#1
Heres a new piece i started to work on lasterday and just added some bass and drums need to know what anyone thinks thanks. C4C

Update.
Attachments:
gv2.zip
Last edited by Freak44 at Feb 2, 2012,
#2
There's not much here.

Bar 13 should have a melodic fill, perhaps on a distorted guitar (As a subtle indication of what is to come) or slightly overdriven blues tone. Otherwise the transition isn't doing it's job.

The percussion following bar 13 is really unaccentuating to the mood as it lacks any dynamics and accents. I think adding in some toms (Including grace notes) would be quite fitting.

Bar 22 onwards isn't doing it for me either. The percussion should be more caustic and the tritones and minor thirds in bar 25 are far too shrill for my liking.

One other thing I should mention, if you intend for this to be played live or even giving the piano parts to a session musician, you're going to have to rewrite it for bass and treble cleff in addition to adding in signs (Such as 8va, 15mb) in order to indicate notes played in high or low registers so that they are readable.

Just a few pointers, take it as you will.
#4
First thing I will say is HH, is right about bar 13. At the moment it sounds a little "empty", perhaps you could delete it entirely?

Also, I'm not too sure about the bass drum that plays the whole way through. It might just be the MIDI, but perhaps it would sound better with toms or replaced with timpani, or something.

As a whole, I actually liked bar 22 onwards, but the transition could probably be smoother, and the solo could be more prominent.

What you have so far is a solid start though so I wouldn't take this criticism too harshly.

Crit 4 Crit on my also unfinished song?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1516733
Guitars & Gear:
Parker Nitefly M
Sumer Metal Driver
Ibanez RGD2120Z
AMT SS-11B
Two Notes Torpedo CAB
#5
Ill work on the drums later on drums is where i pretty much suck the most but ill try and improve on it.

But yea thanks for feed back i made alot of changes. and extended it a bit, just need to redo the bass and the drums.
#6
Not much I can say here that hasn't already been said. One suggestion I have is maybe to work the hats on the drums a bit more when the next riff comes in and maybe have a more steady rhythm on the crashes in the part afterwards. Not much there right now but there's definitely potential.