#1
perhaps more than personal wisdom, but also memories
and moonlit reveries - all which hints that this is none of my doing.
soul music runs sour, the lush and luminous eyes
look in my direction and then away, a labor of lust.
i suppose you've always had the power,
a mystique found in the bottoms of rivers
where dead things rest before we all know of their death.
where fishes swim and feast and await for whatever's above
to come and sort it out for themselves.

follow me down the road, follow me onto the bridge.
no, i won't jump; you won't allow it.
somewhere you said you would forever be a friend-
the summer equinox, the longest night of the year
where i told you goodbye, but wasn't ready yet.
where i last said a prayer if only seconds before
i knew i was out of god's hands, and in yours.
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
thank you. i appreciate the kind words. anything you'd like for me to look at?
here, My Dear, here it is
#5
i really appreciate that. thanks a lot. i see you have a couple pieces posted so imma get back to you real soon
here, My Dear, here it is
#6
in the bottoms of rivers
where dead things rest before we all know of their death.


That sealed this one up. Really nice line.

However;

where i last said a prayer if only seconds before
i knew i was out of god's hands, and in yours.


I am really curious about that "if", it does soemthing to the step of the phrasing. Maybe throw a comma after knew, or break that up in some way and drop from the "i was..." down to another line. It would be nice to hear a pause there and would really kick that last line up into my jaw.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror