#1
An early version of this intro was originally posted under an online band that has since dissolved. I'm not sure what genre this falls under but it has a distinct 'dark' sound to it. I was wondering what people thought of it as it is now (most concerned about the last part) and what should be changed/improved?

C4C of course, but I don't want a plethora of comments that go along the lines of "where's the rest of the guitar?" .

EDIT: I made a few changes here and there, as well as adding a potential riff for the next section (or maybe another section). It seems to be shifting towards a progressive metal direction, but I'm not entirely happy with the Rhodes in the second verse.
EDIT_2: A few more changes, mostly to the Rhodes.

It'd be nice to know what people think of the percussion. In its current state it essentially repeats every 8 bars, but I'm not sure this works with the added rhodes and guitar?
Attachments:
The Maker & The Model.gp5
The Maker & The Model - V2.gp5
The Maker & The Model - V3.gp5
Guitars & Gear:
Parker Nitefly M
Sumer Metal Driver
Ibanez RGD2120Z
AMT SS-11B
Two Notes Torpedo CAB
Last edited by Emperor's Child at Feb 15, 2012,
#2
Wow nice intro you got there, sounds very dark and mellow i like it not rly any complaints let me know when you got it all finished id love to hear the rest when tis done. =]
#3
Hey man, really cool intro, almost seems like a dark pop-rock song, kinda makes me think of The Rasmus actually haha. But the chord sequence is cool, and the vocal melody is catchy. Good start so far, apart from the pre-chorus. Maybe it's personal preference but I don't like how it goes to that 3 power chord. I think you should stay in the same kinda dark theme for a while using the same chord sequence or slightly different, but add a guitar melody perhaps.
#4
Hey man thx alot for your crit , returning the favor

Intro :
Very Nice sets a interesting mood , not sure about the vocals though , they cinda fall short in comparison to the rest of the instruments , but that might be different with actual vocals

Verse : Same

Pre-Chorus :
Good basis but only one track so its hard to comment on it.

oh and id suggest not playing the same thing on 2 guitars , but try to find something higher or lower that goes with it to make it more dynamic

o ye and i cinda made something after where u stopped , in case ur stuck you can use it if you like it
Attachments:
The Maker & The Model - V3.gp5
Last edited by MobiuZ at Feb 16, 2012,
#5
The instrumentation is fantastic. Great piano, and you got an interesting texture going on with the percussion. The vocal lines could be improved with variation in both rhythm and melodies a bit, but the syncopation works well with the overall rhythm, so there's no real "flaws" in the vocal lines. I'm really confused why you switched keys though (from harmonic dminor to AMajor) because it doesn't make it easier to read at all haha. Also, if you're planning on printing this and giving it to your vocalist, you need to trim up the vocal lines so that it's easy to find the 3rd beat in the sheet.

The transition from verse to chorus is a bit awkward, however, since you're going from the harmonic Major-chord (A7) to a FMajor. It doesn't sound really sound like a smooth transition at all. The riff is also a little boring, but it's a work in progress, so I'll be anticipating the final product!

I'd love a check-up on my stuff:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1519360
#6
Quote by Radman_Paiza
The instrumentation is fantastic. Great piano, and you got an interesting texture going on with the percussion. The vocal lines could be improved with variation in both rhythm and melodies a bit, but the syncopation works well with the overall rhythm, so there's no real "flaws" in the vocal lines. I'm really confused why you switched keys though (from harmonic dminor to AMajor) because it doesn't make it easier to read at all haha. Also, if you're planning on printing this and giving it to your vocalist, you need to trim up the vocal lines so that it's easy to find the 3rd beat in the sheet.

The transition from verse to chorus is a bit awkward, however, since you're going from the harmonic Major-chord (A7) to a FMajor. It doesn't sound really sound like a smooth transition at all. The riff is also a little boring, but it's a work in progress, so I'll be anticipating the final product!
The key change thing is purely because D Harmonic Minor is the D minor scale with a raised C, so there's a C# and a Bb. Because GP doesn't allow or scales other than major/minor, I changed the key on the A chord so that the Db is shown as a C# (I have issues). That way the standard notation doesn't have the Db and E clashing on the staff.

I have no vocalist to speak of but I can always provide a GP file and guide vocals anyway, so I see it as no major issue. I generally prefer to keep my work as a one man project instead of a band thing anyway.

I wasn't too sure about that Pre-Chorus riff anyway. I'll probably scrap it.

About to look at your piece...
Guitars & Gear:
Parker Nitefly M
Sumer Metal Driver
Ibanez RGD2120Z
AMT SS-11B
Two Notes Torpedo CAB
#7
Sorry about the delay, I hadn't even went to go check back on my old thread.
It slipped my mind as I have been distributing it elsewhere as well.
But here goes

I'm not sure what to make of this.

Because this is not really like anything I've really heard of before.
It sounds like some music from a Final Fantasy game or something like that.
Or like a melodic death metal band.

I think everything fits well, I've only two minor criticisms; I wouldn't call them problems.

1) I think that the drums should take a larger role in the song.

2) And I think that adding greater variation to the drums would bring more to it.
Like a few snare and low tom (41) hits on each kick drum hit would add a real punchy backbone to it.
#8
Quote by Lacunallica
Sorry about the delay, I hadn't even went to go check back on my old thread.
It slipped my mind as I have been distributing it elsewhere as well.
But here goes

I'm not sure what to make of this.

Because this is not really like anything I've really heard of before.
It sounds like some music from a Final Fantasy game or something like that.
Or like a melodic death metal band.

I think everything fits well, I've only two minor criticisms; I wouldn't call them problems.

1) I think that the drums should take a larger role in the song.

2) And I think that adding greater variation to the drums would bring more to it.
Like a few snare and low tom (41) hits on each kick drum hit would add a real punchy backbone to it.
It's funny you mention that because I'm working on the drums as we speak. The reason I tried to stay away from low toms was that I'd already used toms 43, 45, 47 and 48 and thought that if I used 41 or 50 things might start to get out of hand. I have added more snare and even some chinese cymbals so I'll upload another file when I've done some significant changes.
Guitars & Gear:
Parker Nitefly M
Sumer Metal Driver
Ibanez RGD2120Z
AMT SS-11B
Two Notes Torpedo CAB
#9
it would definitely be cool to hear on real instruments, I have a feeling on those the song would sound completely different. My only gripe is that technically you don't need to change the whole key of the song from dm to AM every 4th bar....the only note that would really warrant that is the C#, and technically the chord you are playing is AM but that doesn't mean the songs key changes. Just put it all in d minor and leave all the C#'s as accidentals
Kurzweil K2500xs
#10
The intro is good here. I like it... It sets the mood for the rest of the song. :3 The vocals being included was a nice touch. The prechorus was lacking the drums and all. So I won't actually say much about that. It needs to be finished. I lub it. <3 I wish this track was longer so I could actually say more. All I can really say I guess is, finish it!

Crit4Crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=29181600