#1
Midnight Melodies

A promise is good as it's intentions
You broke your promise, just to mention
My blindness lost, left far behind
Happiness will someday be mine
I remember those soft blue eyes
I left it all to my demise

So let's rendezvous at the deep blue sea
We'll walk the beach, just you and me
I'll watch your footsteps form in the sand
While we run the shore, I'll grab your hand
When the sinking moon falls far away
We'll watch the sun rise over the bay

As we depart away from it all
Who would've known we'd ever fall
I retraced my steps; seen what I've done
I realize, it's all turned to none
My life flashes before my eyes
Never thinking it was ever compromised

So let's rendezvous at the deep blue sea
We'll walk the beach, just you and me
I'll watch your footsteps form in the sand
While we run the shore, I'll grab your hand
When the sinking moon falls far away
We'll watch the sun rise over the bay

You said this would never, ever hurt
Truth turned to lie, it's all in the dirt
My eyes black out, My nerves shutdown
I wake up to a brand new sound
Full of life, with the scent of new dreams
I won't give in, nothing's as it seems

So let's rendezvous at the deep blue sea
We'll walk the beach, just you and me
I'll watch your footsteps form in the sand
While we run the shore, I'll grab your hand
When the sinking moon falls far away
We'll watch the sun rise over the bay

c4c
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#2
Excellent. Great use of diction and vocabulary, just some of the 'ryhmes' (At least half of them are real ryhmes) are really forced. You aren't required to ryhme all the time and if it becomes a pain at any time, you can just let it flow without a ryhme if you use the right words. Don't let writing/poetry become too much of a challange but more of a way of speaking and communication for you. It also seems that some of the lines in versses seem to describe/talk about the same exact things as before. If it is supposed to be like that, that's fine, if it isn't, you could just revise on it.

Good job.

Quote by popeye100

c4c


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1517277
Last edited by Myaccount876 at Feb 6, 2012,