#1
One of the first songs I ever wrote, so its not amazing.
Whatever, I sort of like it.



Light is fading from all around me,
as the night seeps through.
My eyes travel of into the distance,
a misty grey, not blue.'

So far from home and fighting your war,
I can feel that I dont belong.
I'll always know i'm in your thoughts,
the only thing that keeps me strong.

(Chorus)
If I died today, would anyone visit me?
I've taken peoples lives, and held onto there misery.
I'll try to come back for the ones I love,
But I cant promise, no not at this time.
But now as I look to the sky up above,
It seems the only way out is to die.

Bloodshed and terror come night after night,
left with no choice apart from fire,
locked and loaded, get ready to fight,
all the while, the death toll grows higher.

The casualties are rising above the sucsess,
one click can end someones days.
Under my skin, theres nothing left,
stuck inside these hatefull ways.

lock and load, theres one way to go...

(Chorus.)

It gets to the point when your lost inside,
and you start to think 'F**k it, an eye for an eye'.

Solo.


Now I Can't see where I'm heading,
Dont remeber where I've been.
Seen so much pain in peoples eyes,
feels like you've lost everything.


The casualties we've been made to endevour,
can't seem to cry even though we've tried.
Locked in your thoughts forever and ever,
walking the city like a zombie,
so alone, I'm dead inside.
#2
Great, just touch them up a little with synonyms for some parts. Diction is incredibly important and can really add a lot to your writing. For example:

"Walking the city like a zombie,
So alone, I'm dead inside"


Roaming the city lifeless but alive
With solitude, I'm dead inside

^How I'd put it myself.
Last edited by Myaccount876 at Feb 5, 2012,
#3
Quote by Myaccount876
Great, just touch them up a little with synonyms for some parts. Diction is incredibly important and can really add a lot to your writing. For example:


Roaming the city lifeless but alive
With solitude, I'm dead inside

^How I'd put it myself.


Yeah, i see where you're coming from dude.
And that does sound a lot better, thanks. ^_^
I'm not really even a songwriter, my singer does all of that stuff but I just wanted to have a go at it.

But thanks, I'll see where abouts I can change it :P