I watched the moon disappear
one twilight, with my family and friends
from our little vicinity.
It was a reunion of sorts
after a treacherous limbo;
the only gesture that mattered
was that of faith:
the final grace was sang
before we ripped through
everything we ever learned to love
and everything we ever knew,
without any reservations,
as we merged with the night.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Feb 5, 2012,
I like this piece because it's written in the exact moment. Nice flow from beginning to end. Well done.
I really liked this was going but it felt like it ended too soon. Either that, or I feel like the last line could use some revision. Personally, "we merged with the night" was unsatisfactory in that I didn't feel enough of a resolution or a conclusion to the piece. Partly I believe this is because you built up a great aesthetic and image up until that point and I just feel there was very little pay-off at the end. It just didn't stick.
here, My Dear, here it is