#1
Hey, here's a song my bass player wrote a few days ago. Now he's not the best songwriter, but I kinda like it. However, there's a few parts I know that could be adjusted, but I don't quite know what to do.

So you're help would be much appreciated guys ^^ Just a general idea of where and what to add/change would help.

C4C
Attachments:
best idea.gp5


Quote by Saint78
Jackal is like 90.

Quote by Jackal58
Buy stock in Viagra. Imma gonna fuck you in the ass.
#2
well it's good, i just don't like the chord progression in 15-16 but that might be just my taste. i was wondering do you actually play with a bass like in pre-chorus? seems kinda useless to do tremolo with a bass
#3
Sounds pretty good to me man. I echo what Reages says about that trem picked bass, I would be playing single strokes for the bass through that section. It will sound very cluttered and accuracey is gonna have to be bang on the money if you guys opt to play it as is. Just my thoughts.
#4
This is metalcore in it's most generic form.
Most of us start off writing this sort of stuff but you really need to try to be more original as a band.
Saying that I enjoyed the clean section.
If your drummer can double bass like that I'd be very impressed.
My songs are all located here .
Feel free to drop by and crit a song.
Leave a link and I'll return a crit



Colossus
#5
Quote by frankibo
This is metalcore in it's most generic form.
Most of us start off writing this sort of stuff but you really need to try to be more original as a band.
Saying that I enjoyed the clean section.
If your drummer can double bass like that I'd be very impressed.


Thanks guys! I told him about the trem picked section on the bass and he changed it.

Also, this is his first complete song. He wrote it all by himself!
It's really not that bad if you put it in that perspective.

And yep, our drummer can play it. He's won best Jazz Drummer in the valley multiple times.

PS: We usually play Melodeath. This isn't in our style at all.


EDIT: Do you guys have any peices I can crit?


Quote by Saint78
Jackal is like 90.

Quote by Jackal58
Buy stock in Viagra. Imma gonna fuck you in the ass.