#1
One gets bored as one grows older,
like losing that once familiar edge
under bean-bagged skin.
“Lord have mercy”,
a childhood voice would call,
as I reverted to playing in the woods
beside my Aunt Doris’ house,
on the night she was taken away
by her own mind (her remains are yet to be found.)
But sometimes the mind is just that - or like that;
maybe this is what my sister meant
by ‘close-knit’: deeming the ghost of loved ones as light
and using it to retrace the family line
back to oneself - I get bored as I grow older.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Feb 10, 2012,
#2
that first "they" is throwing me off. unless you mean the other people in the poem, but i don't think you do, cuz you return to that first line with the final one. i'd switch it to "one", despite its academic sound.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#3
Yes! I originally had 'one' instead of 'they' - I don't know how it managed to change to 'they' randomly. Thank you for noticing
#4
I'm not sure why the bit at the end says "I" instead of "one" either it is a
mistake or I don't understand it. Maybe whoever the "I" is was contemplating the
statement in the first line, then performing a self analysis to come to the
expected solution: "I get bored as I grow older" to conclude the poem in a logical,
cold and negative way. In my analysis I assume this poem is about the fragility and
changes over time of the human mind.


I like the 9th line "(her remains are yet to be found)", the most deep part I
think, the "remains" of her mind cannot be found but this could apply to anyone
because it is impossible to find a mind. Our minds are constantly changing and
after a while all your brain cells are regrown and it is probably impossible for a
human brain to completely understand itself, it would have to be looked at by a
super-human or a more advanced collection of logic processing mechanisms. This
perhaps is represented by her (I think the "one" or the protagonist is a she for
some unknown reason) pleading "Lord have mercy" is her begging for mercy from a
super being who understands this unpleasant human condition. I also like the
grouping of two words together to form an image. The images referring to the
connection between the body and the mind in lines 2-3 (bean-bagged) and 12 (close-
knit) I find very elegantly represent the tenuocity of this link. There are also
references to family in lines 7 and 11-13 which I don't understand as well as those
things. I think this is just to make the one more human and perhaps more easy to
relate to. Also, when it says "retrace the family line", this is perhaps referring
to the more fixed concept of history or the products of the human mind which we
cling to in contrast to the far more variable concept of a mind which does not have
such a "familiar edge".


Maybe couple this with another poem about a super being i.e. God or some alien who
does understand how the human mind works. Maybe call the second poem "One" with a
capital and this one "one" with a small o to emphasise the superiority of One such
being. The One should feel sorry for this entropic condition of the human mind that
the One undertands and has either created us or has sympathy for us. Much like
humans understand computers yet like androids in anything of the sci-fi genre, we
are sorry for their lack of emotion. In this way a computers' logic is incapable of
some of the human mind's functions so we are super-android like a God is super-
human. I think this is very thought provoking and should maybe be rewritten if my
interpretation is entirely different to your intentions on writing this.