#1
Now I know a lot of people in here don't bother reading song lyric but if you could help me with this tiny little editing I'd be forever greatful. This is to be a rock/pop punk song, for example; You Me At Six, Hit The Lights, Four Years Strong. We sent a demo recording to our producer and he wants me to make the third verse more relatable to any situation and not just to being at a show, to make it more 'universal'. Help?

v1
Give it all away give up put your hands up
come on feel alive we're here just to have fun
leave your excuses problems at the front door
pick up your feet lets make this a dance floor

v2
open up your lips lets go scream your lungs out
have a good time come on wave your arms now
i wanna leave this place with my ears ringing
everyone here i wanna hear you singing
whoa, whoa, whoa, etc.

chorus
Can you feel it?
right here right now right here in this moment. x3

Verse 3;
words cant explain the feelings i get when
writing down the lines to the songs i'll be singing
standing on the stage with all of my best friends
gotta be gotta be the best feeling
whoa whoa, etc.

Chorus
Can you feel it?
right here right now right here in this moment. x3

Final chorus;
Can you feel it?
right here in this moment
can you feel it
everybodys arms wide open
can you feel it
sing it out and sing it loud
feel it
Last edited by guitartaber93 at Feb 13, 2012,
#2
Really difficult to do any of this stuff without the melody to be honest
My Soundcloud
Always up for some C4C, been compared to Frank Turner, The Cure's Robert Smith and Bruce Springsteen so check out my stuff if you like the sound of that
#3
Quote by Paddy McK
Really difficult to do any of this stuff without the melody to be honest

Well, I'm sorry. I don't really have a solution for that. You don't have to necessarly write the lyrics yourself. But give me your thoughts as to ideas of what I could do with Verse 3, and then I could try to play around with it and see what turns out.
#4
Good lyrics (and I'm by no means a lyricist), but I find it kind of weird how verse 1, 2 and the chorus tie into the crowd's reaction and verse 3 is very much a personal feeling/experience.

I kind of get where he's coming from. For 3/4 of the song, your lyrics touch on the crowd and their experience, but verse three omits them and rather tells them how you feel. Maybe change the perspective to that of a crowd member?
#5
Quote by Minivirus2
Good lyrics (and I'm by no means a lyricist), but I find it kind of weird how verse 1, 2 and the chorus tie into the crowd's reaction and verse 3 is very much a personal feeling/experience.

I kind of get where he's coming from. For 3/4 of the song, your lyrics touch on the crowd and their experience, but verse three omits them and rather tells them how you feel. Maybe change the perspective to that of a crowd member?

Yeah, I can see that. But the producer wants it to be relatable to any situation and not just being at a show I guess. And that's where I got my block, if I changed it to a crowd member I did it no problem. But the universal part is my problem.
#6
Just dance like there's no tomorrow
Jump up, get loud, it's easy to follow

and the third line I'm stuck between these two:
we were born from thunder, raised by lightning
or
raised by thunder, and shaped by the sky

and I'd still need a last line to finish the verse.
#7
Feels like I have wings, able to fly?
i don't know man
i'm not a pop punk kinda guy
twitter: @ljg35

Xbox Live (CoD MW3, Halo 4, NHL 13): ljg 01 Adler