I recorded this song about a year ago, I know lots more about theory now and Cant say I aplied much in that song, which is kinda incomplete,Im just looking for your guys oppinnions because when I recorded this song I didnt want to get a bad reaction, but now I don't care even If I get a bad reaction because I know its not that great of a song, Ive gotten better at theory and playing, as well took singing lessons, so a bad comment wouldnt bother me, thats why im interested to hear what your thoughts are.

Last edited by monsterthrottle at Feb 14, 2012,
I think the standout problem here is that the spoken bit sounds like somebody trying very hard to do a good vocal performance, instead of actually DOING a good vocal performance. If you're taking singing lessons now it probably fixes this problem, it sounds like you're breathing in from your throat and chest rather than from your diaphragm, and it sounds shallow.

As far as the riff goes, it repeats way too much for what is just a pretty average riff. As such you get tired of it pretty quickly. It needs more variety, since by the end you remember not because its catchy, but because its been beat into your head for 2 minutes.

For the backing guitar parts, they seem pretty cliched. Long high notes for a bar, cutting to short low chords. It ends up predictable.

What is good is that the drum beat fits in pretty well with the guitars. Despite it sounding like somebody tapping on a tin can with a spoon, the beats and notes it hits are pretty decent.

While i did criticize the riff before, it is still a pretty good riff, and sets the song apart from other types of fast, low songs.

Overall, what you were trying to achieve was pretty good. Its just a bit shaky in its execution, probably due to lack of experience. I honestly suggest with a years more experience you revisit it.