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cammo_1234
UG Newbie
Join date: Sep 2005
441 IQ
#1
Hey guys,

I just finished throwing together this little song. My band has recently fallen apart so I'm trying to start up a bit of a solo project. I recorded and played everything myself in my bedroom, except the drums. My drummer brother bashed those out for me (cos I'm obviously a dumb guitarist with no rhythm :P ), and they were recorded using the voice memo's feature of an iPhone. So please excuse their not entirely beautiful sounding nature.

Anyway, let me know what you think and I'll definitely try to give your music a listen and return the favour!

Triple J Unearthed - This link has the better mix. Please leave a review/comment here if you can, and you can download the demo from here if you like.

Facebook

Thanks
LollipopSkeletonsLollipopSkeletons
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Last edited by cammo_1234 at Mar 12, 2012,
MrDo0m
Blessed Sisyphus
Join date: Jun 2011
772 IQ
#2
This song's pretty cool, not much room to crit, save for the somewhat fuzzy recording quality, but I guess that's to be expected recording from a phone. The vocals sound great. My favorite part was 2:17-2:38. I get a Strokes kind of vibe from this. Anyways, thanks for the crit.
Last edited by MrDo0m at Feb 21, 2012,
Aaron!!
nil desperandum
Join date: Jun 2008
733 IQ
#3
I love the guitars! Seriously man, the crunchy sort of recording vibe you got going really suits this kind of song. The vocals are sweet too, I can't hear any major pitching errors, and they sit exceptionally well into the mix. That chorus as well.. jeeeeez, you're on to a killer here! I can only hear two really problems hear, and obviously the drums are one of them. Considering how they were recording it has turned out quite well, but more definition in terms of percussion would give this great song a lift to an even higher level! But I have to say, the lo fi distorted drum thing is definitely a style you should keep to some extent, it works really effectively with the rest. My final point is that this lacking in any bass. A nice deep, yet crunchy bass with bite would sit beautifully in here, and tie the whole thing together really well.

Crazy song dude

C4C?

http://soundcloud.com/crash-and-kapture/carnival
WizMystery
WizMystery
Join date: May 2009
357 IQ
#4
I'm 100% sure the recording is clipping, particularly whenever the voice enters. It's very oddly panned; it seems everything is moved about 20% to the right. I can definitely tell there is a quality disparity between the drums and everything else. The composition of it is spot on though. Nice transitions and contrast. It's just the quality of the mixing and mastering that is a huge distraction.

And I second Aaron's comment about the lack of bass. I hear it in there (I think) but however you EQ'd the track got rid of it almost entirely.

What's your previous experience in terms of working with DAWs?
NeptuneUK
UG's Pseudo Intellectual
Join date: Jan 2005
1,673 IQ
#5
Sounds great, the vocals remind me of audioslave in parts!
I love the lo-fi phone recording of the drums! It sounds great, very retro!
The bridge vocals were really well implemented as well. A good track, enjoyable to listen to.

As what has already been said, I can't really critisize the music, just the audio quality... Keep the drums though whatever you do!
Last edited by NeptuneUK at Feb 21, 2012,
Mean Mr Mustard
Naked By The Computer
Join date: Aug 2007
6,868 IQ
#6
Pretty interesting song you have here. First off, I have to agree that it could definitely use a low end, try to get some bass up in here. I wasn't a huge fan of the way the vocals were sung, but you did a great job with them regardless of style, which is just a matter of preference. The guitar parts were all nice, and I really enjoyed that one riff that kept coming up like around 1:30. Awesome. For some reason, this song sort of reminded me of the Mars Volta. The more I listen, the more I enjoy the vocals too. I'd say that overall this a very interesting song, and pretty darn enjoyable. Good job with this, if you get around to re-recording this, it could sound great. I agree about the drums sounding awesome as lo-fi though, keep that!
cammo_1234
UG Newbie
Join date: Sep 2005
441 IQ
#7
Hey guys thanks heaps for the feedback! I'm a little surprised at the response the crappy drums have gotten haha! And flattered that you guys hear so many of my influences in my music!

Anyway I've tried to up the bass, spread the guitars better, and uploaded another file (the Conman2). Let me know if it sounds any better/worse.

My experience with DAWs is between little and none, I've just been skimming over a few tutorials and articles online to get a basic idea. But the quality of the recording isn't my main concern anyway, I'm just trying to get down some rough demos for when I eventually get a band together. Then we'll get the songs recorded properly by someone who knows what they're doing :P
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jrcsgtpeppers
Tab Contributor
Join date: Feb 2009
4,844 IQ
#8
thanks for the crit
not my genre of music, so il do my best at being open minded

vocals are sweet.
the change up was sweet.
i think the vocals may be too loud... theyre good, but take over the mix a little too much
there is a lot of energy in this song, i like it.
link55588
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2009
1,271 IQ
#9
Man this was great. See im used to crappy quality so this sounded great to me haha! i loved the song, nothing really ticked me off. I agree with the bass though, could be brought up/ was there one? idk couldnt hear it but that didnt really stand out that much. Overall great, loved it love your voice too!
cammo_1234
UG Newbie
Join date: Sep 2005
441 IQ
#10
Thanks again guys, if you like what you heard I've just set up a Facebook page for myself. It's pretty raw at the moment, but I'll be posting some more tracks up there in the near future. I'm just waiting on my brother to lay down more drum tracks, it's a difficult process when we live 2000km apart :P

Anyway, I really appreciate the comments and criticisms, so if you liked my song please check out my page!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lollipop-Skeletons/377579038936780?sk=app_178091127385

Thanks again!
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Furegious
Grasshopper
Join date: Feb 2012
43 IQ
#11
Although the quality of production lets it down a bit, I totally get the vibe of the tune and I think it's great! You put a lot of heart into your singing and fits the music really well. The guitars are nice n' thick and rhythmic. Very musical. The intro is really effective too. Has this haunting chord progression. When the heavier guitar riff kicks in it stands out and gives it a cool groove. Most excellent.
WizMystery
WizMystery
Join date: May 2009
357 IQ
#12
Quote by cammo_1234
Hey guys thanks heaps for the feedback! I'm a little surprised at the response the crappy drums have gotten haha! And flattered that you guys hear so many of my influences in my music!

Anyway I've tried to up the bass, spread the guitars better, and uploaded another file (the Conman2). Let me know if it sounds any better/worse.

My experience with DAWs is between little and none, I've just been skimming over a few tutorials and articles online to get a basic idea. But the quality of the recording isn't my main concern anyway, I'm just trying to get down some rough demos for when I eventually get a band together. Then we'll get the songs recorded properly by someone who knows what they're doing :P


The panning is still very, very wonky, and it's still clipping. As for the bass, some more EQing is needed as the instrument itself is lacking a bit.

What DAW are you using? If it's Ableton or FL Studio I could probably fix it up a bit if you'd like, wouldn't take too long. Even if record companies try to look past production quality, I think with these problems out of the way you'd have a better chance of getting signed.
hitl
easy like sunday morning
Join date: Feb 2008
1,348 IQ
#13
Really liking the voice! Good build from verse to chorus. Diggin' the guitar, the lead tone is awesome. It has everything a good song needs to have; structure, progression, soul etc. etc. Really liking the part from 1:10 until the end of the Chorus. Haunting vocals before the solo starts. The production drags a little bit on the song. Drums could sound more dynamic (more definition on bass and snare drum). Otherwise two thumbs up.

c4c
sevenatenine
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2007
487 IQ
#14
great stuff. reminds me of white rabbits' stuff. vocals weren't exactly my kind of style, but they were still great and obviously is a matter of taste. i actually kinda liked the raw sound quality. made it sound more genuine and probably fit the song's style well. good job!
hagstrom_9
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2008
529 IQ
#15
Im liking the sound of this, I think the panning is a little weird though. The chorus of the song has to be my favourite part, real catchy rhythm, and a almost like the fuzziness of the vocall track, it adds a kind of effect to it thats really interesting. I think you might be pushing the boundaries of the track though, at some points I hear a few points, or maybe its just my headphones. Anyways, its a solid track for sure, Really enjoyed it!

c4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1522123
Indy_Fire
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2011
652 IQ
#16
The levels defo seem to be clipping, it kinda works at times but the in the fuler beats it sort of washes out the sound.
the guitar tones sound nice when they come through nice warm and chunky.
the songs ayout out works well.
I'd like to hear a clearer mix but overal I'm sold bet you guys are pretty cool to watch live.

crit here if ya like.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1522523
herby190
Banned
Join date: Mar 2008
7,674 IQ
#17
The main problem with this that I can see is that the vocals take up most of the mix in a lot of parts; it kinda takes away from the instruments.

Other than that, it's not a bad song; I love the use of vocals right before the solo, and the solo itself was great.
Harlot Hero
Mr. User-Friendly
Join date: Jun 2009
911 IQ
#18
You've got an incredible voice. I hear a lot of clipping. It's definitely a great song though. Needs to be recorded better. This is the kind of voice i'd like to have. Great instrumentation. Good guitar tone. Interesting lyrics. Amazing vocal melodies. I like how the song is arranged. Nice panning of all the instruments too.

Crit for crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1523148
aaron aardvark
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2010
4,896 IQ
#19
cammo,
I hear clipping also. I agree the vocals are very good (singing & melodies)! The song & playing are very good, but like it's been said before, could use a better recording (then I think it could be radio-worthy). Please review my music at this link:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=29234605#post29234605
Last edited by aaron aardvark at Feb 29, 2012,
cammo_1234
UG Newbie
Join date: Sep 2005
441 IQ
#20
Thanks heaps for the feedback guys! I've got a couple more demos in the works, so when they're finished I'll be looking to get them all recorded professionally. So hopefully you'll hear the bass and not hear clipping :P

I've tried to return crits where links were posted, but if I've missed anyone shoot me a PM and I'll get back to you

Cheers!
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TenInchClock
Custom User Title
Join date: Apr 2008
1,065 IQ
#21
I can hear plenty of bass, don't know what other people are saying about it. Quality isn't great though, but I'll not get hung up on that.
I do get a Strokes-esque vibe from this though, as has been said before, vocals fit the vibes of the song, and if it was recorded professionally, then I can see this being a really good 'driving song' for when it's summer again. I like the chords before and during the "la da da da doo" bit, (sorry, the time isn't coming up for me, so I thought I'd just say that, haha), but yeah, good songwriting and pretty well executed, too.
Get a band, record that shit in a studio, and I'll be first in line to get an album or similar
cammo_1234
UG Newbie
Join date: Sep 2005
441 IQ
#23
TheLastStory
- Cool song dude, nice little acoustic arrangement. And great singing, a chilled melody and the harmonies were very cool. Short and sweet, I liked it! Was that percussion I hear played on the body of a guitar?

Anyway dudes, I've set up a page on Triple J Unearthed, which is an Australian independant radio station. So if any of you lovely UGers are also on Unearthed, could you do me the favour of leaving a comment/review there? I'd really appreciate it. I've also taken your comments on board and tried to lower the vocal volume & increase the bass on the mix of The Conman that I've uploaded to Unearthed. Also downloads are enabled there if anyone's interested. Soundcloud/Facebook still has the old mix.

Linky: http://www.triplejunearthed.com/LollipopSkeletons

Thanks
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Last edited by cammo_1234 at Mar 7, 2012,
kornflipsk8er
Flosseswithguitarstrings
Join date: Mar 2003
992 IQ
#25
Ok I have to be honest...I ****ing love this. The low fi drum recording does work really well.I just can't really pick out much that I don't like about it. Maybe end it a little different? It has great energy. I would really like to hear more of your stuff.
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Paddy McK
Raging Gentleman
Join date: Mar 2009
178 IQ
#26
Really good man, reminded me a lot of The Strokes, with the dirty vibe and style of vocals. AS many people have said, it would really benefit from better recording quality, but the vocals and playing are fantastic. The guitar riff on the chorus is sweet, as is the solo. Great work mate
My Soundcloud
Always up for some C4C, been compared to Frank Turner, The Cure's Robert Smith and Bruce Springsteen so check out my stuff if you like the sound of that
Piñata
Banned
Join date: Feb 2012
194 IQ
#27
Nice indie vibe going on... it's cool man.

I really like the sound of the bass too, and the guitar hooks really stand out at points. If you hadn't have said otherwise, I'd have been convinced it was a live recording, nice work getting that kind of sound.

Might just be me but I was kind of looking forward to a last chorus at the end, but it just faded out with the guitar. Personal preference I guess.

Cheers for the crit, anyway.
Duce180
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2008
350 IQ
#28
Not really my particular cup of tea but for the style I thought you nailed it. Guitar work was well done, singing was great, mixing was good. Nothing really to complain about to be honest. I do hear some clipping when the song picks up, maybe try lowering your master gain a bit.
Dave Coulier
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2004
176 IQ
#29
sounds good! vocals are strong, as well as guitar and overall layout of song. The only thing IMO that I would change or add (i understand this was a bit of a one man recording session, except for your brother on drums) is at the :58 second mark where you start with the "no,no,no,no,no,no she cried" etc. I would, when you have a full band, have someone else sing the "no no no" part while you come in with the " she cried" or vice versa. Other than that, with some good production and audio quality and some good marketing, I don't see why this couldn't make it into the ears of many potential fans.
cut. it. out.
Argyle_06
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2011
175 IQ
#31
This is good stuff man! The vocals really shines and hits all the notes in your song. The upbeat tempo is very catchy. With a much better drum and a more professional recording your song will definitely become even more exciting!

Cheers!
7thvagrant
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2011
35 IQ
#32
Hey just listened to your song! It's pretty awesome ! As soon as I heard the second chord and realized the mood of the song it was awesome. It's really got a good vibe and energy, especially when the dist guitar goes in. The whole song works really great. Keep it up !

About the mixing and EQing and the way the drums sound well I get it that you're not recording with the best equipment ever. We gotta start somewhere! I'm recording everything myself as well at home with what I got, once I get enough songs I'm heading over to a pro studio! I'm sure when you get around to that it'll be really great, cause composition wise, it's good (Y).

Here's a link to my song! https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1526635
AfScatterbrain
Professional Scatterbrain
Join date: Mar 2011
21 IQ
#33
Thanks for your critique!

First off, loving the guitar part, it's nice and aggressive sounding, I can hear the Radiohead influences bleeding out of this. The parts are real interesting, doesn't sound like every other guitar part you hear nowadays. I can tell you like those 7th chords. The vocals are great as well, which is kinda rare around UG it seems. Drums are tight, I like the intensity but it could've been more varied. Quality wise of course is rough and raw, which I don't know if that's what you were going for or not, but that's what I got out of it.
link55588
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2009
1,271 IQ
#34
lol wait, i already critiqued this awhile ago haha, but great job again and thanks for another critique
cammo_1234
UG Newbie
Join date: Sep 2005
441 IQ
#35
Haha sorry link55588, I try not to ask the same people twice! My bad.

And thanks for the feedback everyone! If I haven't returned a critique please pm me, I will get around to it... eventually...

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W4T3V3R
UG Member
Join date: Jan 2006
683 IQ
#37
Reminds me of some of audioslave's softer stuff on original fire, and thats a compliment. Sick vocals and guitar work.


Certainly has a lot of energy to it, and drives along to each section which is good.

My points would be get some compression on it, some gates on those awkward crash frequencies to tighten up the sound. Maybe close up the hi-hits on some bits. I think the music is great btw, only the mixing/mastering side is where to look for to improve.

If you have time for a C4C i'd appreciate that.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1529205
Always waiting for that bit of inspiration.
asakura111
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2010
265 IQ
#38
Thanks for commenting on my song c4c as promised I listened to the facebook link so the conman demo. First of all you are a very good singer keep that up. The guitar progression is very pleasant I like the opening I think a way to improve it would be to improve the recording quality. At about 18 seconds, basically when the drums kick in the quality seems to drop a little. Other then that though great job well done
tobythechimp
******
Join date: Aug 2005
2,365 IQ
#39
Hey man, just realised I never gave you a crit back. Sorry man. Gonna crit as I write. Ok lets start, chord prog is really nice shame about the recording quality but hey gotta start somewhere. Lyrics are really good so far too. Pre chorus riff is awesome man, nice work. I can see from your avatar you are a crooked vultures fan. That Josh homme style comes out a lot in your music but it has a more pop vibe. When you record this properly, keep it garage style and dirty. The song is great, well structured and rockin'. I like it a lot.
Solo is really great too, inventive and I like how it flows with the drums.

8/10 for song, shame about the recording but when you do record it like I say keep it rough. Gonna give you a 'like' as I think this is sick!
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cammo_1234
UG Newbie
Join date: Sep 2005
441 IQ
#40
Thanks heaps dudes! I'm loving that you guys can pick so many of my influences out of just one song, its insane! I'm hoping to write and record demos of a couple more songs soon and then head into a studio to put an EP together. I'm struggling for time atm, I've just started my masters in mechanical engineering and it's being a real pain in the ass.
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