#1
Hey guys, I wrote an instrumental song. What needs improving, what doesn't? I am not a bassist, so a bass line still has to be written. I wanted to share this nevertheless, just to see what kind of critique this gets.

C4C

By the way, disable the RSE for this.
Attachments:
F#(2)(1)(3).gp5
Yeah
#2
sorry little late on the crit but here it is.

first of just a suggestion : name your parts , its easier to write and to crit that way ! even if its just 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 etc


Like the building intro , good drums aswell , like it when the choir comes in.
melody is ok when it enters , like the lead added alot better.

nice chords (33-34) and goes back to fast notes , ok melody after that (43) not very interesting. chords again , at first i didnt like bar 58 but when i heard the rest with it was really nice.

bar 65 is nice allthough i dont like those straightforward drums ontop of it , but thats a minor thing.

Love 83 and on ! just beautifull and great dynamics and everything flows together really well.

115 and on is very good , nice a feeling going on there.

131 back to something familiar , right timing to introduce it aswell !
143 awesome ****ing melody there ! to bad it sorta goes cinda random after that , i would do it as a repeat thingy but thats just me i guess , i like to repeat stuff :P

Anyway i must say awesome composition and really good vibe overall , not a lot of dull/bad parts !

8/10
#3
Thanks for the crit!
Sorry, but I don't have much to say, this was really nice.

I took bar 17-24 of Track 4, and copy-pasted it to Track 6 bar 25-32. It sounded pretty nice -- Dunno if you like layering like that, or whatnot, but it sounds good... Just a suggestion. :p

As far as "improvement"..

It seems your fast lead runs are pretty "standard" in their fingering.. Bar 55-56 for example is

------------------------------1-----------1-2-3-|-4-3-2-1----------------------------------------|
------2-----------1-2-3-1-2-3---3-2-1-2-3-------|---------4-3-2-1--------------------------------|
1-2-3---3-2-1-2-3-------------------------------|-----------------4-3-2-1------------------------|
------------------------------------------------|-------------------------4-3-2-1---------3-3-3-3|
------------------------------------------------|---------------------------------4-3-2-1--------|
------------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------|

It could just be me, but that sort of made it boring.. Perhaps try new fingerings during the runs? Or, maybe you were just going for that Pettrucci/Gilbert really fast who gives a shit sound, in which case good job.

The drums dropped out a bunch.. It didn't sound bad, but beware getting use to using this as a transition.

At the end, when you start doing the 11-12-11-10-11-10-9-10-9-8-9-8-7-8-7-8 stuff, perhaps change the rhythm to something that fits better? That's probably my only real complaint.. It sounds like you just got lazy/tired at the end and threw the lead over something you already had written, just because.

Really nice though, man!
#4
Nice song. I like the opening riff, it's probably my favourite part of the song. However, in the lead parts I think you oversued chromatics at times. I've never been a fan of them. The outro is especially guilty of this

The lead riff that comes in over the top is pretty good, but the triplet shred licks don't quite fit.

At bar 47, I like your use of harmony there. But afterwards at 51, there seesm to be some shredding for the sake of shredding. The way you used it and the notes you used don't really add much to the song imo. and then CHROMATICS

In the clean section in the middle, the uneven time signature doesn't stand out too much. Alot of the stuff I see on this forum has pretty jarring sounding uneven sections and I've never liked non regular time signatures, but for me you pulled it off fine here.

I also like the bit when you change back to 4/4. Nice change of mood, sounds great. The transition to the next bit was pulled off well too.

Then you brought that intro back. Nice.

I like your mix of the major sounding lead with the minor sounding riff behind it. But then CHROMATICS

A few minor issues, but overwise you're doing great. Keep up the good work.

Could I have a C4C? It's the bottom one in my sig.
Musical Theatre! *jazz hands*


...what am I doing on this site...
Last edited by MetaIronForce at Mar 4, 2012,
#5
Like the intro riff, the fade in works here. For the bass a lot of the time, you can just follow the rhythm guitar for this song, but to come up with other parts I guess you can listen and analyse bass players you like to get ideas off them. With practice, it'll start to come naturally to you. The piano part at bar 107 is cool. As for the lead guitar, it's ok, some of parts look pretty difficult to play. Best lead parts are that riff at bar 25 and laos the outro solo with the chromatic parts. Overall, pretty decent anyway.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1520851