three naked days
coming down always
turn her eyes up
i can't fucking hear you
i can never fucking hear you!
drink like a drunk
'think' i thought
she said she said she said
i forget, cokehead chatter
turn her eyes up
too loud
she said she said she said
something about the government
about her dog or her dad
some real, emotional shit like that
i think i'm listening
to thunderclouds
to another kid trying to sound it out
not that i know how
but i keep my head down
quietly nod
hold on tight to the shit i got
it's a healthy fear of God.
(turn her eyes up)
Think I've been here before once upon a time.

"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

i really liked the "turn her eyes up" line. that's gold.

the three she saids, though, hm, i feel like it'd be stronger if you took out two of them and instead used something like "she said a bunch of words" - obviously something better, i just couldn't think of a good example, but you get what i mean. and the but i keep my head down - i'd substitute so instead of but. i think it reads better.

overall this was...different, i suppose, from what i usually read from you. it's not what i was expecting.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn

Quote by #1 synth
i really like the phrase cokehead chatter


love it
Great! I like this piece!

“Meeting the True One, Truth wells up. The truthful are absorbed into the True Lord. Intuitive understanding is obtained and one is welcomed with honor, through the Guru's Word, filled with the Fear of God. O Nanak, the True King absorbs us into Himself.”
Thank you!