#1
Ive been in a band with my friends for almost 7 years now. We've come to a crossroads in our career and i dont know how to deal with it. Our guitarist has been my best bud since 7th grade and is my roomie at college and has been dating my cousin for many years now. So in short, we're like brothers. But he doesnt take the band seriously AT ALL. We have a show this friday and all he did was goof off at practice today. Which surprised everyone that he even showed up.

I think its a good time to get serious with the band and evolve as a band, since as of right now we just play basic punk songs with 4 chords. I've wrote some new stuff that requires more practice time because there's actual dynamics to the songs and our guitarist isn't the most reliable person in the world. We're currently an incomplete band so i've thought about just quitting and starting fresh with our bassist. But it would be too obvious that we quit just to get rid of him. I'd like to keep the band because we have a pretty good name for ourselves around our area.

How does everyone think i should go about this situation? It would make for a very awkward life if i were to piss him off or something since i see him almost everyday of my life so should i just go with the quit and start fresh or "kick him out"??
Guitar Rig:
Fender Telecaster
Martin GPCPA5
Orange Rockerverb 50

Bass Rig:
Squier Vintage Modified Jazz V
Hartke HA3500
#2
Do the other band members want to get serious besides yourself? If so, then have a lengthy band meeting (with the guitarist) and discuss the band's goals. If your guitarist isn't serious about it, talk about finding a replacement for him. He should understand that his goals clashes with everyone else's and it's doing the band more harm than good.

Now if you're the only one taking it seriously, find a new band
#3
didnt think about adding that in haha. As of right now, the only other person in the band is our other guitarist/misc. instrument player but yes he wants to get serious. He's the only person who's ever helped write music and book shows so i keep him around hahah
Guitar Rig:
Fender Telecaster
Martin GPCPA5
Orange Rockerverb 50

Bass Rig:
Squier Vintage Modified Jazz V
Hartke HA3500
#4
Obviously with you been so close you want to refrain from the aftermath of been overly blunt. But you can't tip toe around this either if it's having a detrimental affect on your bands progression. As mentioned before gauging how serious the other band members see the band will help you set the tone of what could potentially be a tricky conversation.

The only way to solve this however is by having that conversation with him. Dont be to overbearing, condescending or sarcastic and just kep it casual. Ask how he see's the band progressing and what he'd like to do moving forward. Get a feeling for where he's at so you come across more inquisitive. That way it doesn't seem your pulling him to a side to criticise him.

No-one reacts well to direct criticism so dont ask why he's fooling around, instead ask what he thinks of the new songs, and casually drop in that you think they're gonna need some work. That way your talking not lecturing.

If you can't manage to have a casual conversation wih your best mate, then that's a whole different problem.

Good luck! Let us know how you get on.
Last edited by FrontmanShields at Feb 26, 2012,
#5
Quote by FrontmanShields
Obviously with you been so close you want to refrain from the aftermath of been overly blunt. But you can't tip toe around this either if it's having a detrimental affect on your bands progression. As mentioned before gauging how serious the other band members see the band will help you set the tone of what could potentially be a tricky conversation.

The only way to solve this however is by having that conversation with him. Dont be to overbearing, condescending or sarcastic and just kep it casual. Ask how he see's the band progressing and what he'd like to do moving forward. Get a feeling for where he's at so you come across more inquisitive. That way it doesn't seem your pulling him to a side to criticise him.

No-one reacts well to direct criticism so dont ask why he's fooling around, instead ask what he thinks of the new songs, and casually drop in that you think they're gonna need some work. That way your talking not lecturing.

If you can't manage to have a casual conversation wih your best mate, then that's a whole different problem.

Good luck! Let us know how you get on.


This and also don't compromise. It may sound harsh but if he isn't serious about it and everyone else is then keeping him in will only hold you back. I'm stealing this from my high school soccer coach but "you're only as good as your worst player". If he doesn't take it seriously then what will happen when everything starts to get even more serious than it might already be?

If you do keep him around it should be for the right reasons too. If he wants to be in the band, then he should act like it.
#6
Wait..I am a little confused, you say you have a gig coming up on Friday, then say you're an incomplete band?! Perhaps this is why he is not taking it seriously at the present time? Most problems posted in this board seem to have the same answer, communication.
-Mithaearon-
"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."
#7
I think one thing you should add before you start in on any "we're kicking you" business, ask him casually if he is having fun in the band. Who knows, he might not be enjoying it and may want to leave or start fresh, which could benefit both him and the band. Ask him about his interests as well, don't leave that part out as it can be crucial sometimes.
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You've clearly never read any Confuscius.

As I wait on the edge of the earth,
I can see the walls being torn down again
Only to be rebuilt in another name,
On a different day
#8
Quote by Mithaearon
Wait..I am a little confused, you say you have a gig coming up on Friday, then say you're an incomplete band?! Perhaps this is why he is not taking it seriously at the present time? Most problems posted in this board seem to have the same answer, communication.


haha, we're doing an acoustic set. We've been an incomplete band for almost a year now, but my brother has been our temporary drummer for the time being, but he's expressed his disinterest to me and always has to work
Guitar Rig:
Fender Telecaster
Martin GPCPA5
Orange Rockerverb 50

Bass Rig:
Squier Vintage Modified Jazz V
Hartke HA3500
#9
Here's the way I would approach this. Words to the effect of:

"So I've been thinking, and I've come to a conclusion. I really love this band, but other gutarist and I have been thinking - we want to take things to the next level. We want to do more complicated stuff, which means working harder, more practice time, taking the practices we have more seriously, that kind of stuff."

"And we'd love to do that with you. You're my best friend, you're like a brother to me - you know this, right? But at the same time, it doesn't feel like you're eager to take that next step. So I wanted to ask you - do you think you could get excited about making a bigger commitment to this, to taking it more seriously, or is it time for us to go our separate ways so he and I can get more serious without there being bad feelings about it?"

In other words: You aren't kicking him out. You are making the decision to leave HIS decision - but making sure that he understands what's expected if he stays.

In fact, if he says, "Are you kicking me out?" You say something to the effect of, "God no - that's why we're having this conversation - because we WANT to be making music with you, but we also want to be doing these other things."

Of course, if he doesn't make the commitment, then you guys are going your separate ways. But now that's as much his choices yours.

"Quitting and starting fresh" is something of a lie if you want to keep making music with the other guy. He'll notice and be MORE hurt because you weren't honest with him. This way you're honest and acting with integrity.

And if he doesn't want to make that commitment, then he can't complain about you being rude to him. You guys can still jam on occasion. It's all good.