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#1
Before I have to have a camera shoved up my ass. Tomorrow at 4pm I have to be violated, and I can't eat until then. It's 12:30pm now. I also can't take my Tylenol 3s because opiates make me constipated and I don't know if I should be taking something that makes it hard to shit since I have to start drinking the laxatives in less than four hours.


Now that you know what's going on, I have a task for the pit. I want you guys to do what you can to take my mind off of the hunger and the pain. Let's see what you guys can come up with...


InB4 pics of food
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#3
I'll tease you with semi-nudez:



Also, I blew a pretty big bubble earlier



Hope everything goes well at the hospital man
#6



Let it envelop you...



... forever...
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#8
Blake, I've been staring at that for three minutes and I started to see UG getting sucked into it. I felt like I was going to fall in and I got scared and had to look away.
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#9
Inb4 dicks

SublEDIT: I'm stealing that from you, Kensai,
UG's King Neptune

Quote by AtaBorMan
You're the biggest dick we've had in the Pit for a while.
Quote by SLEESTAK_BRO
Stop talking, you have are the biggest dick the pit has seen in a while.
#10
I thought you were saying your last meal.. like, ever. Got worried for a moment.

You could try playing an online game. Most of the time they are pretty addicting and will take your mind off of worldly ailments, such as hunger.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#11
Quote by StillSublime
Inb4 dicks

SublEDIT: I'm stealing that from you, Kensai,

Stealing what from me? Dicks?
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#13
Quote by whoomit
I'll tease you with semi-nudez:



Also, I blew a pretty big bubble earlier



Hope everything goes well at the hospital man


Dat chest. brb fapping.


Also, that bubble is amazing.
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#14
I dont the hunger is going to be as much a bother as the endless pooping is doing to be.

Might as well set up a command center in your bathroom now, you're not going to be leaving there anytime soon
NOPE
#15



Stare.

Let it enfold you.




Hypnotoad commands you to have a cookie.
#16
Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Dat chest. brb fapping.


Also, that bubble is amazing.

I'll PM you some more

Thanks! I could feel it was going to be a good one so I was like "Right, I have to get ready to take a photo of this!"
#18
CJ, this makes me so happy.

CARRIT: Didn't read OP, thought you were killing yourself. Never mind.
Quote by Athabasca
My ex did the same. Cheated on me and then acted like I'd given her sister a facial. Women are retarded.
#19
Quote by stratkat
I've had a tube shoved up my dick while I was fully awake.

And it didn't hurt that much

You'll live.


I'm gonna be asleep. There's no way I'm letting someone violate my anus while I'm awake.
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#21
Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
I'm gonna be asleep. There's no way I'm letting someone violate my anus while I'm awake.

I'll keep that in mind..
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#22
Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
I'm gonna be asleep. There's no way I'm letting someone violate my anus while I'm awake.


I'd prefer to be awake, so they wouldn't pull any funny busines-

Wait.
Quote by Athabasca
My ex did the same. Cheated on me and then acted like I'd given her sister a facial. Women are retarded.
#23
Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
I'm gonna be asleep. There's no way I'm letting someone violate my anus while I'm awake.

Reminds me of that guy who got drunk and woke up to find that his friend was fingering his bum
#24
Quote by whoomit
I'll PM you some more

Thanks! I could feel it was going to be a good one so I was like "Right, I have to get ready to take a photo of this!"

DO IT!!!

You should be proud of that bubble. It's glorious.

Quote by Snowman388
CJ, this makes me so happy.

CARRIT: Didn't read OP, thought you were killing yourself. Never mind.



I'm more worried about my little brother's life than mine. I swear, if I hear one more comment from him about food I'll murder him.
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#25
Well I haven't even had breakfast or lunch...




..but at least I don't get a camera shoved up my ass.
^^ Hahah, I'm just kidding.. or am I?


Don't click this.
#26
Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
DO IT!!!

You should be proud of that bubble. It's glorious.




I'm more worried about my little brother's life than mine. I swear, if I hear one more comment from him about food I'll murder him.

Don't do that. Just make sure the window on the bathroom is shut, and don't let him out(until you need to go again).
What are they giving you as a 'drain cleaner' btw?
Is it a "drink one glass" job, or the "4 litres" bastard?
#27
(Invalid img)


Stare.

Let it enfold you.



YOU HACKED MY EYES!!11!!!1
#32
lol i saw the threaD. read it. had nothing to say. refresh pit, after understanding the thread i thought it was slightly ironic to see "Loose Bowels" as the last post
Life Sucks. Get over it.
#34
Quote by jani92jani
why they are gonna put a tube in to your ass? Do they think that you have prostate cancer?

They don't do that for prostate cancer.
Urine samples, blood tests and digital rectal examination(that's a fingering in layman's terms) for that.
Could be as a result of blood in the stool, though many things can be ruled out with less invasive procedures these days.
#35
wtf pit, the correct answer is fap.
Quote by TheChaz
I ran over two squirrels at once one time. They were chasing after each other in the street, and I swerved to avoid them, but ended up with one under each tire. Still my greatest driving accomplishment to date.

Quote by WantsLesPaul
Hitler could have been aborted
#36
Psh. I haven't had any food in 4 weeks (severe UC flare-up). And won't have any for the foreseeable future. 24 hours is nothing.
#37
Quote by stratman7
Psh. I haven't had any food in 4 weeks (severe UC flare-up). And won't have any for the foreseeable future. 24 hours is nothing.

TPN, then?
#38
Quote by slapsymcdougal
Don't do that. Just make sure the window on the bathroom is shut, and don't let him out(until you need to go again).
What are they giving you as a 'drain cleaner' btw?
Is it a "drink one glass" job, or the "4 litres" bastard?

4 liters.

Quote by jani92jani
why they are gonna put a tube in to your ass? Do they think that you have prostate cancer?

They don't do that for prostate examinations. Right now they think I either have Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, or irritable bowel syndrome.
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#39
Quote by slapsymcdougal
TPN, then?

Yeah. TPN and clear liquids only. Sucks, man.
#40
Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
4 liters.


They don't do that for prostate examinations. Right now they think I either have Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, or irritable bowel syndrome.

Have they done a faecal calprotectin test, and if not, why not?
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